The Celebrity's Celebrity

This is what happens when I see a celebrity:

1.) Oh look, it's that girl who was on that thing. My goodness, she drinks Guiness! How wonderfully eccentric of her!
2.) Why do I even care? She has absolutely no baring on my life whatsoever. I am a shockingly shallow human being.
3.) It *would* be funny to speak to them though. But what to say? I don't want to look like a fan and take a picture or something. Maybe pretend I don't know who they are...
4.) For crying out loud, she's just a girl that's been on TV! It's not that important!
5.) Right, I'll show her. I'll just nonchalantly waltz over, and ambivalently question her Guinness drinking quirkiness with an air of uninterest. Ha!
6.) Me - "Hello Sandra..."
Sandra - "Oh hi, I was just leaving."
Me - "Bye Sandra..."
7.) I am a twat.

But not any more!
I set up a website for celebrities to champion their new album/film/play/charity-ball by spotting *me* in the street. If they manage it they can have a photo taken with me which can be uploaded, and I'll sign an autograph for them, lucky devils. They can then write on the website things like;

I spotted The Leopard outside a kebab shop in Hackney! Here he is signing his name on my chest in chilli sauce! Thank goodness, I need to be all spicy for my latest turn as a hard-hitting cop turned undercover prostitute working the streets (out Friday). - Claudia

Here's me with The Leopard in Hampstead Heath practicing Kung-fu together. He taught me a new move, think I'll add it to the extras in my DVD of "Death of a Dragon!" - Jackie

Watch them fluster. Ha!