h a l f b a k e r ySuperficial Intelligence
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Whilst working on a way to combat global
warming, by cutting the level of sunlight
hitting the Earth* I came up with something
less stupid.
To whit, that nice sparkly ice floating
around in the Oort cloud, in the form of
comets etc. Simply send out a drone to
bring some of the ice near
the Earth, zap it
with the orbital rail guns until it's nicely
broken up and orbiting the Earth, reflecting
light away and making the night sky a bit
more interesting.
*the plan was make the Earth further away
from the sun, but then I worked out it's
easier to do it virtually, by catching the
sunlight, then guiding it down (for the sake
of argument) 20 million miles of fibre optic
cable.
nasa temperature graph
http://climate.nasa...global-temperature/
[pertinax, Dec 27 2015]
Prior art (ish...)
http://www.fantasti...ny/rings-of-ice.htm
No opportunity for failure at all... [neutrinos_shadow, Jan 05 2016]
[link]
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Could take a bit of time to get there and back.
Maybe just settle for aluminizing a nearby pile of
space junk? |
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[nrm] this is an excellent idea, but sadly too late. |
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I found a much more cost-effective way of halting
global warming. Every evening, at precisely 6pm, I
pour myself a large G&T and utter the magic words
"global warming begone!!". I do this at no charge to
humanity - I even pay for my own gin. |
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I've been doing this for the last 18 years and, so far,
temperatures are staying flat. |
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// I even pay for my own gin // |
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We know that to be a complete falsehood. |
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Brew your own gin, yes (Although your Great-Aunt-in-law Dzugashvilli's Bindweed and tractor-oil schnapps is all in all a more rounded beverage) but the idea of a Buchanan of the True Blood paying for their own drink is quite frankly ludicrous. |
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Oh, and please tell the Intercalary that we've mended it. All it needs is refilling with acid, a new wick, and a dozen Mixed Oxide fuel pins. It runs better with the lid open, but obviously then the neutron flux can be a bit of an issue. |
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// I came up with something less stupid // |
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Why don't you tell us about it? |
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Well, it might set a dangerous precedent... |
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Gin and tonic with Oort cloud ice, tastes even better when the gin is free. |
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// a new wick// Ah. We suspect that will be a
short-term solution, since we converted it to electric
a while ago. |
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//why don't you tell us about it |
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Imagine a long thin aluminium pipe,
concertined drastically, in an orbit that keeps it
between the earth and the sun. The pipe
catches all the sunlight. Gradually the pipe is
de-concertina-ed, and forms a long coil. As the
Earth is getting
virtually further away from the sun, ergo the
earth gets cooler. |
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By a process of rapid yoyo-ing of the tube it
should be possible get the amount of sunlight
comparable to Mercury, or Jupiter in the same
weekend. |
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Ooh, Fox Network Satellites... I could find all sorts of uses
for those. |
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//for the last 18 years and, so far, temperatures are staying flat// |
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True, global warming did stop in 1998. According to NASA (see link), it also stopped in 1944, 1981, 2005, 2010 and 2014. The thing is, on each of these occasions it seems to have stopped at a slightly higher level than the time before. |
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Clearly, [MaxwellBuchanan] is not drinking enough gin, and international efforts must now be directed towards this aspect of the problem. |
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Uh, if it stopped 18 years ago, clearly it can't also
have stopped in 2005, 2010 and 2014. Also, antarctic
ice is growing, which will be a nuisance. |
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Howevertheless, I will redouble my gin-drinking
efforts. |
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\\ according to NASA. it also stopped in 1944. |
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Err, I think von Braun was still playing for the
other side at that time. Or do you know
something we don't? |
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//Uh, if it stopped 18 years ago, clearly it can't also have stopped in 2005, 2010 and 2014//
Of course it could. It just re-started for a bit, is all. A bit like your old Morris Minor. |
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//I will redouble my gin-drinking efforts// |
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//do you know something we don't?// |
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Not much, but I was amused to come across an article on global warming written in 1956 by Aldous Huxley under the heading "Canned Fish". Well, at least, the last two pages were about global warming, while the first three were about the changing nature of work. Anyway, ...
"Forty years ago individual specimens of Thunnus thynnus were caught, at certain seasons, in the English Channel and the North Sea; but there was no tuna-packing industry north of Portugal [...] Today [i.e., in 1956] there is a flourishing tunny industry in Norway.
And the tuna's is by no means an isolated or exceptional case. Fishes which, not long ago, were thought of as being exclusively tropical, are now caught off the New England coast, and fishes once regarded as natives of the temperate zone have moved into the Arctic. [...]
This revolution in the watery world of the fish is a consequence of a larger revolution in the earth's atmosphere - a revolution which is changing the climate of the northern hemisphere and is likely to affect profoundly the course of human history during the next few generations or even centuries. The causes of this climatic revolution are obscure; but its effects are manifest. The glaciers are everywhere melting. The snowpack on the mountains has diminished to such an extent that the Jungfrau is now thirty feet lower than it was when I was a boy. The Spitzbergen archipelago, which used to be open for shipping for about four months out of the twelve, is now open for eight or nine." |
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Huxley goes on to tell the familiar story of the warm early Middle Ages and the Little Ice Age, and the general difficulty of extrapolation, but then he says this:
"Meanwhile, if I had a few millions to invest for the benefit of my grandchildren, I would put them all into Canada rather than Texas. 'Westward the course of empire takes its way.' So wrote the good Bishop Berkeley two centuries ago. Reincarnated today, the philosopher-poet would probably turn his prophetic eyes ninety degrees to the right. Westward no longer, but northward, northward moves the course of empire. The tunas, the pilchards, the sharks and codfish - these forward-looking pioneers have already made the move, or at least are swimming in the right direction. In ever-increasing numbers, men will soon be following their example." |
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This doesn't prove anything, of course, but it gives me at least one idea - namely that, in the Northern Hemisphere at least, anyone wanting to get away from the negative connotations of the phrase "economic migrants", could try re-designating those people as "FHAs" - "Following Huxley's Advice". |
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Err, The Kraken Wakes, where those pesky
space aliens melt the ice caps to put the zap
the human race... |
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