h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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Sometimes, the usual options for revenge (wastepaper bin of shreddings balanced over door, joke-shop "exploding" cigarette lighter, mousetrap in the desk drawer, two Claymore mines wired to the car ignition) just don't cut it.
So, BorgCo designers have developed a new range of cheap and simple devices
to fulfill that burning urge to uneash death and destruction with Extreme Prejudice on that certain individual who has YET AGAIN, despite being REPEATEDLY told, failed to put the milk back in the fridge after making coffee, so it's gone off and had to be tipped away and everyone's had to have dried milk all day.
Available in Small Spider, Large Spider, Cockroach, Mouse and Scorpion, the kit contains a carefully crafted, extremely realistic flatpacked origami animal which can be inserted discreetly into a book or file. Sticky-note removable non-marking adhesive allows the creature to cling to the page, or alternatively a thin yet powerful elastic strip can be attached to cause it to leap off the paper right into the face of the unreconstructed recidivist, causing shock, panic, hysteria, and hopefully a fatal heart attack.
[link]
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Why the quotes around "exploding" ? |
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It just makes a loud bang - no blast, no fragments, no flame. No physical injury at all. |
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They can be easily uprated to actually be quite effective, but then people get unaccountably upset - particularly the ones with bleeding fingers, burst eardrums, and a notable absence of hair on any exposed parts of their body. |
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They also seem to completely lose their sense of humour, but a causative mechanism has not been established. |
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That's a good idea in its way, but death's too good for them. If they're dead, it will no longer be possible to torment them and make their worthless, useless life a complete and utter misery. |
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Then again, it would free up some oxygen which would be much better used by an accountant or an estate agent ... |
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