h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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Horrific, I know. How could you miss out on all those
precious moments like little Timothy crapping himself,
then screaming at the top of his tiny lungs to wake you
up
to change his diaper. Should you feel such a need, you
can
monitor your child being raised by an android version of
you
perfectly attentive to his/her every need via live 4k
broadcast.
Why are we, evolved and intelligent humans, still
wasting
valuable precious time on cleaning our kids crap and
making sure they don't crawl out of windows etc?
By raising your child in a soundproof one way glass dome
you can
see him grow every day before your eyes, don't worry
he'll
only see what you want to see with the adaptive video
wall.
Leaving you to casually
raise your baby in a serene environment where the most
patient and loving of soft plastics androids (inflatable
soft plastic
robotics, safe for childcare) diligently look after your
baby.
Now you may be thinking... Professor LaGrange, surely
the
child's psyche will be scarred beyond all repair by being
kept separate from his parents in a sealed dome being
raised by androids, correct?
Wrong. With our real face" (android duplicate of your
physical features) saying canned responses using your
real voice "Who's my
special little guy?" "are you going to be a good boy
today?"
"say hi for dada!!!" that you would record every so often
to
let the child become accustomed to his or her parents'
faces and voices, and smells by dressing your androids in
your used clothing.
The THIRD pod's nannys "PAPA" and "MAMA"
(Paternalistic alternative Prototype Android)
(Maternalistic Alternative Maternal Android)
appearing to be human with your faces to the child (fully
clothed with
white plastic soft robotics covers over robotic hands)
featuring the faces of
the child's parents.
With the video wall projecting any environment the child
would potentially be interested in you can see how your
child reacts in a wide variety of scenarios without having
to physically take him anywhere. You will be able to
gather
more data about your child than you could have ever
hoped to by inserting him into countless hypothetical
scenarios to provide endless amounts of data.
Combined with the infinite patience of a machine and
the
fully adaptive learning environment of the THRD Pod
your
child could reach superhuman levels of intelligence by
guided machine learning propelling him to super-genius
stature by age 4.
The child will be ready for "graduation" proven he is:
potty
trained, speaks semi-fluent english, coordinated, sleeps
through the night etc. When such a day occurs when he
is
finally ready to enter society and greet his real parents,
without knowing any difference at all.
Your THIRD will allow you the leisure time to learn how
to
become a parent with precision real time data analysis in
daily reports (TImmy has a propensity for Juice and
naps,
dislike of cats and chocolate milk), and skip all that
messy
diaper changing.
Inhuman?If the child were never aware of it's existence
inside the THIRD, it could potentially be the perfect way
to
raise a child by providing you with the extra 4 years to
learn how to truly become a parent without loss of time
and sleep?
using lots of words near toddlers causes them to nine times as many words
https://www.youtube...watch?v=jKp8RwEoJPU
if you look up Huttenlochers publications, it works with math also [beanangel, Oct 31 2015]
[link]
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I get the feeling you and your spouse just had twins and are
sleep deprived, and the inspiration for this is your own *new*
life. |
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I thought my auto dog trainer idea was a tad unethical but
this... |
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I sometimes wonder about using a clock with multiple
alarm settings to specify appropriate regular feeding
times, changing times, hugs, educational reading by the
parents, etc. for an infant. There is NO intent here to
deprive an infant of anything truly needed. |
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Anyway, when the infant screams, he or she is basically
saying, "I want service NOW!", and letting them get
away with it is what causes spoiled brats to exist. But
appropriate regular timers (never TOO long between
diaper changes) would mean that the infant's screams
can be ignored (earplugs could be helpful) until next
alarm happens. I'm sure many folks would be aghast at
this suggestion, thinking that their screaming infants
might be dying or worse (how DARE you ignore that!),
and so, since it likely hasn't been tried, we have no
data regarding how long it takes an infant to learn that
screaming doesn't work unless the alarm has just gone
off (and then realize the screaming is unnecessary,
because Service Is On Its Way). |
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Could the infant's entire body become adapted to do
things (like mess the diaper) at regular intervals?
Remember, if you feed pets at the same time each day,
they eventually KNOW what that time is, and you find
them waiting for it, at that time. Why should human
infants be dumber than pets, to fail to notice external
regularity of need-fulfillment? |
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[Vernon] Have you not yet been exposed to the long
running debate between demand feeding and scheduled
feedings? I guess I haven't heard to much talk of extending
that to diaper changes before. That might work in some
cases, but in others diaper rash will be a limiting factor. |
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Should any of you think I'm truly insane, or sleep deprived
father... this was an idea for
a dystopian science fiction short story I have been writing
where a man sends
himself and two embryos into deep space and awakens from
hypersleep to have two four year old twins to raise. |
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I don't recommend machine raising your children, in my
story the children are super geniuses who try to kill their
own father upon arrival at their destined planet. |
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I'm sorry [Maxwell] perhaps if your comments had a
less derisive spirit about them I could help stem the tide
of
Annovaporation. I am grateful for all input good or bad
but would
rather not read off topic insults such as your grammar
rebuke and the childish "Ducks not the procreating type"
comment. |
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Oddly enough, I find this to be one of the more civil
places
on the internet and if my Annovaporations help maintain
that illusion then so be it. |
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That is entirely fair enough. My comment was directed at the
point that anyone who was in a procreative relationship would
likely have had this idea quashed early in its gestation by their
other half. But perhaps I misunderestimated Mrs. Duck (or Mr.
Duck, for that matter), in which case my apologies to you
both. |
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Howevertheless, I defend my right to quibble, cavil and even
harangue over grammar and punctuation- this, shirley, is one
of the cornerstones of the HB? |
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Hab you got a code, [Iad]? |
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Seems not far removed from Space Above and Beyond's tube grown babies. |
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[Maxwell], while I may not like my grammar scrutinized; I
will defend to the death your right to do so. I
appreciate the respectful response to what may have
been a 'flame' invoking comment elsewhere on lowlier
forums or comments sections. That's the
maturity I've come to love about HB on display,
appreciated. |
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I agree that Mrs. Langrange would no doubt object
implementing a T.H.I.R.D in our ordinary earthbound
human household. I think implementing one would take
some heavy convincing or a sociopathic spouse. |
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It would take some extreme circumstance like an
extinction level event turned to intergalactic adventure
where you couldn't risk putting an
infant into hypersleep; and would need them "capable" by
the time you landed at your deep space destination. |
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pragmatically there ore often things like nutrient that
people have not studied yet |
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thinking of a different thing, food, companies suggest a
powdered food, a few months later there is research that
omega 7 fatty acids function as cytokine messengers, or
that a novel phytonutrient prevents cancer. |
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it is possible that the visuals of being carried backward as
well as forward causes babies to develop mental imagery
cohesion capability sort of like microsoft photosynth |
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thus there are possibly hundreds of unknown development
cofactors that the baby might miss There is the possibility
that combining the development environment with actual
physiological parent communication could emphasize those
things that are most beneficial to the human physiological
baby |
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notably, humans that hear word numerous words know as
many as nine times as many words when they speak.
(Huttenlocher, J.) [youtube link] so a
combined approach could possibly be of benefit |
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also, this could cause then end of religion, as "brain in a
jar" rapidly becomes, "who was not a brain n a jar?" |
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