h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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TV dinner
Baked ... or fried, or grilled, or steamed ... | |
TV dinners - a pre-packaged meal intended for consumption while watching TV - are Baked & WKTE.
Food delivery services are also Baked & WKTE.
But BorgCo have identified a market opportunity.
Have you ever been watching something on the TV where the characters are eating a meal, and thought "Hmm,
that looks nice ..." ?
Well, now you can find out.
Look out for the subtle knife-and-fork symbol in the corner of the screen. If it's there, it means the meal you can see is actually available for delivery.
Just download the BorgCo App to your cellphone or Smart TV. It will helpfully log all essential* information, and allow you to click on the symbol to activate a hyperlink, giving price and schedule information. If acceptable, click again, and your order will be placed. Then it's just a matter of wiping the drool off your chin until the doorbell rings.
*Name, address, phone number, credit card details, contact list, location history, bookmarks, web browsing history, stored photos, music and video, documents ... anything and everything that anyone else will pay us for, or might be useful for blackmail.
[link]
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Nice try, but my bone marrow type isn't kept on my phone. |
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I foresee TV shows progressively using smaller and smaller plates. |
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....and if the programme/film you're watching
happens to be Romero's film Dawn Of The Dead, do
uncooked body parts arrive packed in ice? [flicks
toe nail clipping in 8th's direction instead of
croissant crumb] |
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Ewwww, that's disgusting. |
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// uncooked body parts // |
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Geographical restrictions may apply. |
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// my bone marrow type isn't kept on my phone // |
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S'OK, we can get that from the Chinese government. |
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Get them hooked on the service, then sell them replicators. You know it makes sense. |
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Would you like the prospectus for the IPO ? |
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I'll have what she's having |
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We don't do that any more, we run a food delivery service now. |
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// you’ll have their interest // |
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That's all very well, but rates are at historic lows ... the returns will be small. We don't just want their interest, we want a chunk of their capital too. |
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Then again, it might be worth doing as a loss leader, to get access to their personal data. With the right sort of portable device to authenticate delivery, it will be possible to get a fingerprint, too. |
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Yeah, what xenzag said. If you're watching Hannibal,
or Silence of the Lambs, please don't call. The
delivery man will simply bring an empty plate and a
knife and you'll not be needing a dessert. (thank you,
shadow.) |
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Big + for this though, I was just watching a PBS show
on Turkey, (the locale, not the feathery kind), and the
food looked amazing. |
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Kinda movie-baked by The Truman Show, where everything
on-screen was available to buy. But it's actually a good idea,
although it could get a little chaotic with all the cooking
shows...
(Psst... [blissmiss]; 2 "s"s, unless you like sand...) |
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// which do you expect to be the PRIMARY revenue stream in this venture? // |
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That's an excellent question, and it's important that it should receive a full, concise and entirely honest answer. |
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So we'll pass you over to our Special Advisor, Mr. Sturton Buchanan, who will waste no time in clarifying the situation. |
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// you'll not be needing a desert // |
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On the contrary; deserts are largely uninhabited and little traveled, excellent locations for the permanent concealment of body parts or even entire bodies. Once the attic and the cellar and the back garden are full, it's necessary to be innovative. |
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Hint: dig a fairly deep hole, put ... the stuff ... in, partially backfill it, then put a thick layer of big-ish rocks to keep scavengers out, then finally fill back to level. |
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Goes well with fava beans and a nice Chianti. |
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Hey, I remember now, dessert is stressed spelled
backward. Just sue me ok??? |
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Let's leave Sue out of this. She's just an innocent bystander... |
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...yes, she should have been a bysitter, but that's not her fault either because it's not a word. |
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+ I especially like the fork and knife symbol in the
corner |
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Can this be extended to furniture, cars, and female or male companionship? |
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Don't watch anything by Jan Svankmayer |
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// Can this be extended to furniture, cars, // |
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// and female or male companionship? // |
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In your case, only the companionship of non-humans; we advise something unsophisticated and slow moving, as it will inevitably make determined efforts to escape your presence. Try a goldfish, but buy a tank with s close -fitting clip-on lid ... |
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