h a l f b a k e r yAmbivalent? Are you sure?
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We need this now more than ever - they recently outlawed cockfighting in Oklahoma. |
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The language in your description is a little...stilted. |
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My dog loves cats. She doesn't understand why they don't want to play. If you asked her, she'd say "Can't we all just get along? Where's my clown nose?" |
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[Wagster]'s dog Sammo is wearing a roman helmet topped with a crimson brush, his sturdy boxer body is encased in steel plate with a coat of arms inlayed down the flanks in gold. He stands slightly over seven foot high on hand-tooled Japanese fighting stilts. |
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[Wagster]'s four cats crouch (tails fluffed) on platforms mounted at varying levels on each of the dog's stilts, giving them combined swipe reach over targets of any height. Their flattened ears poke out from under their steel Yarmulke's, each adorned with a single spike. Light chain-mail coats cover their small cat bodies, poised to strike like steel springs. Their eyes watch the enemy with a single purpose of vision while the twitching of their tails flicks about the 2" spiked maces attached to the tips. Each cat has a spring loaded mini-stilt attached to each leg which will deploy upon hitting the ground, giving them an extra three foot of height and allowing them to run and attack independently. |
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[Skinflaps] and his animals are looking nervous. |
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Rule number one: We do not talk about stilt club. |
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[skinflaps] pooch Spot is sporting his finest plumed helmet with a gorget wrapped around his collar. The gilt breastplate wraps around his Jack Russell form, complete with legplates in the shape of bones.Spot has achieved the desired height of seven foot high on wood turned swifter stilts. |
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[skinflaps] Abyssinian cats stand proud sporting their aluminium foil cat suits. They achieve their height via the air compressed pogo stilts and attack swiftly with the squirting milk nozzles and back flip stilt attack. |
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The spikes on [wagster]'s cats' helmets blossom into anti-milk umbrellas as the mini-stilts retract, sprouting rollerskate wheels. The team scoot under the pogo-ing enemy felines, maces tearing gashes into the bellies of the foil suits. With a loud "Chingg!" Sammo erects a steel stegasaurous spine to protect himself from flip-style stilting. |
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In one huge bound, Spot leaps forward and delivers a hefty ground swing with the left paw stilt, Sammo loses his balance and attempts to return to the desired height whilst slipping around in milk.The abyssinians take the opportunity to puff up and lick their suits. |
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Unable to control his splaying stilts, Sammo plays for time with his trademark "baffled/I'm hungry" look. The cats rally round, one to each stilt, pushing them inwards. Realising that they are now on the defensive they decide to call it a day. The roller skate wheels pivot through 90 degrees and emit small puffs of smoke: tiny rockets have been cleverly concealed in the axles. Slowly the cats ascend into the sky, lifting the dog above them on sixteen blue flames. As they depart they drop psychological warfare pamphlets onto the abyssinians: "Foil shown to cause furballs!!!". |
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At 7,000ft a concealed hook in Sammo's helmet attaches to a trailing nanofibre rope that winches the quintet up to their operations centre in a stratospheric dirigible. The battle is over, but the war has just begun.... |
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And now for a word from our sponsors.....[ring card girl struts around in bikini, holding a sign with a number on it - fade to commercial] |
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"WERE BACK LIVE! ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE HERE DURING THE COMMERCIAL! THESE FIERCELY DETERMINED WARRIORS ARE FIGHTING LIKE CATS AND DOGS!" |
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[skin] - This may go down better if renamed "Stilted Pet Battling League" to dissociate it from the very real sport of dog fighting - sadly all too baked around where we live. |
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[wags] I agree, I believe we need a new contender. |
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A very funny image. (I think I know two cats that would like to engage in this sport, right about now!) |
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Maybe you'd like to enter the pair in your next anno? |
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In this corner, we have "The Doctor of destruction, deadly dustin". |
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And in this corner, we have "Killer Claire". |
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At the gong, stilt your way to the center and spat away, till only one remains, stilted. |
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..Ding ..ding "The Doctor of destruction, deadly dustin" V "Killer Claire" |
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And a left and a right and a right stilt jab that's taken the Champ's jingle bell collar right off! |
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And here's the The Doctor of destruction again with a right and another left and a bash with a catnip smash and a terrific smack with a heavy thud right into the litter tray and there's a gaping hole right through the bag of litter!! |
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And now "Dustin,The Doctor of destruction" working on the tail with a series of beautifully placed paw stilt attacks, and "yes! yes! armor is loosening. (the doctors and nurses getting increasingly excited) The Champ must try and keep his helmet on. |
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"What's this? Killer Claire is up and back on the desired stilted height.I ask you? can this go on ?... |
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I must admit, it's kinda hard for Claire to run and hide under the bed, on stilts. |
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oh no! a disgruntled player has thrown a ball of wool into the arena - the players are mesmerised. |
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