Stevedore Voice Changer for Babies

This device uses a wireless microphone attached to the baby, feeding input to the main control box, which changes the baby's crying and/or cooing to that of a 300 pound Stevedore. Specialized circuitry detects the mood changes and adds crying, cursing, belly laughing as necessary. High quality speakers then broadcast the sound into the surrounding area. (...I may consult with [csea] to add realism to the device...)

A separate option can provide a number of phrases to compliment the mood of the moment or at the push of a button. For example, if the baby is crying, the 300 pound Stevedore might say (in between heaving sobs), "...that Rowan Atkinson always makes me bawl..." Or, if the baby is giggling or laughing, the 300 pound Stevedore might say, "...HAW, HAW, HAW! Look, he pulled 'is head clean off!..."

Burglars casing the [apt/flat/residence] will immediately choose a less formidable challenge. (Most seasoned burglars are well aware of the Fake Guard Dog sounds [link].)

This device may be handy in social situations as well. Going to the theatre, restaurant, or ballet will no longer be off limits. People in the audience seem to regard the wide range of baby noises as quite annoying and don't mind letting you know it; whereas what may sound like a large man making the same sounds would make them less likely to turn around and express their displeasure.