Pausulator

Many people believe we're going to have a general election here quite soon - possibly even tomorrow. As a result, lots of people have been saying lots of words about lots of things, both on the television and on the wireless.

One of the things I've noticed is that the best speakers (though not necessarily the best politicians) tend to leave more pauses when speaking. This can be surprisingly effective. If Mrs. May says "We will introduce certain measures to reduce the threat from Islamist extremists", it sounds rather mundane - I mean, if course you'll introduce certain measures, who wouldn't, duh?

However, if she says "We will introduce certain... measures... to reduce the threat from Islamist extremists", it is far more sinister and emphatic. If I were an Islamist extremist (or even just one of those two), those pauses would scare the crap out of me.

Donald Trump - erudite and statesmanlike though he is - could clearly benefit from more pauses. They would make him sound more... serious.

It is, however, very difficult to change one's speech patterns, especially when under pressure in front of the cameras. Hours of vocal coaching tend to go out the window when the heat is on, and the words just tend to tumble out all higgledy piggledy.

MaxCo, therefore, is delighted to introduce its latest... device. The Pausulator consists of a discreet band worn around the neck just inside the collar, with wires running out of sight to a receiver in the jacket pocket. A team of speech-writers and voice coaches in the wings control the transmitter. When a meaningful pause is required, the controllers simply press and hold a large red button. In response, the receiver in the speaker's pocket delivers a voltage to electrodes embedded on either side of the throat band, sufficient to... inhibit... further vocalisations until the button is released.