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Those familiar with the Thomas The Tank Engine books written by the Rev. W Awdry will be familiar with the fact that in said books, the locomotives are depicted as having faces.
In the animated TV series, the theme is continued.
Some steam railway preservation societies pay large sums for the
right to affix a Thomas The Tank Engine "face" to the smokebox cover of their locomotives, thus increasing the attraction of their events to young children.
However, this process has a curious omission, which needs to be corrected; there is no corresponding anatomical feature on the rear of the locomotive.
Since the locomotive has a face at the front, it is only right that there should be a corresponding arse at the back. It should therefore be a contractual obligation to users of the "Thomas The Tank Engine" brand that when a "face" is affixed to a locomotive, a suitably proportioned and anatomically correct model of a set of human buttocks must be affixed to the tender or coal bunker, thus ensuring that the Universe remains in balance.
Wilbert Awdry
https://en.wikipedi.../wiki/Wilbert_Awdry
"creator of Thomas the Tank Engine" [8th of 7, Jan 16 2018]
Balls of steel.
http://3.bp.blogspo...c3c/s1600/nutz1.jpg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 16 2018]
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So the buttocks would go on the little tender behind? |
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I'm not sure the Rev would have approved. |
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Double headers would be a source of mirth. + |
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Caboose happens to be slang for buttocks as well so, [+] |
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Additionally, when the train was traveling in reverse, as
trains often to, it would be even funnier. I don't know why,
it just would be. |
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The cartoon show Futurama had an interesting idea
somewhat along these lines when it showed a smiley faced
anthropomorphic planet flip around to show a "planet butt".
My kind of humor. |
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Attach a few connecting rods to the wheel linkages, and it should be
possible to get them to wobble, too. |
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Re-route the exhaust to enhance the effect. |
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The sort of crude anatomical humour in poor taste that young children find hilarious ? |
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<peers at top of idea, examines pastry count> |
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That should keep [doc] chuckling for a few more hours ... |
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Sorry, didn't realize the suggestion of putting big plastic
butts on vehicles was supposed to be taken seriously. |
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If you use the word "bottom" instead of "butt", it's funnier. |
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Even I have my limits. The butt (or bottom) is funny, a big
plastic
sphincter would be too much. And frankly a little disturbing,
especially on the south end of a north bound smiling cartoon
character train. |
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What about locomotive bollocks? They've got'em for your trailer hitch now. [link for anyone who cares to look] Or am I just assuming gender based on a name? |
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//What about locomotive bollocks?// [8th] can talk them
till the cows come home. |
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Reminds me of a funny joke; |
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A native fellow is sitting on a hill by his bull and a tourists ask him the time.
He reaches over and hefts the bulls testicles and says, "It's quarter after two."
The tourist is stunned and asks, "How could you possibly tell the time by lifting that bulls balls?!"
So the native fellow motions the tourist closer and lifts the bulls balls again pointing and says, "The clock tower is right over there." |
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...well I found it funny, so there |
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Why don't you and [doc] just eat a load of legumes, then go off behind the bike sheds together and laugh at one another's farts ? |
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They did that last week, needed some variety. |
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Considering which end is fed the coal, and which end the
exhaust comes out, shouldn’t their arses be facing forward? |
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It would certainly be more aerodynamic, with a proper
study on how their curvature should break the wind. |
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//Why don't you and [doc] just eat a load of
legumes, then go off behind the bike sheds together
and laugh at one another's farts ?// |
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Remind me, who was the one that posted an idea of
attaching a plastic ass to a train? |
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I think that was Truman’s campaign advisor. |
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// Truman’s campaign advisor. // |
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Yes, Truman was a Democrat, so an ass (donkey) would be singularly appropriate. |
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If you wanted a huge, unsightly arse (see also // big plastic sphincter //) then a 3D print of Hillary Clinton would work beautifully. |
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Would the sphincter trump? |
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I think this idea embodies a fundamental physical
law. In the same way as the Law of Conservation of
Charge says that the amount of positive charge in
the universe must equal the amount of negative
charge, this idea is saying that the universe must
hold an equal number of faces and pairs of
buttocks. Then, in the same way that local systems
will always seek to neutralize their electric
charge and acquire an equal number of positive and
electric charges, so will systems (such as trains)
with an unequal number of faces and pairs of
buttocks seek to equalize these. If we establish
the fundamental unit of face/buttockness as the
buttock, then it follows that a pair of buttocks is
+2 and a person's face must therefore have -2
'buttock charge'. |
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This suggests the potential for face-buttock systems to exist in excited
states, in which one buttock has acquired a quantum of energy,
causing it to exist in an orbital around the face rather than being
directly bonded to it. |
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Clearly experiments need to be conducted to find out how long such a
state can last for, and to measure the energy of the photon emitted
when it relaxes into the ground configuration. |
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That's an easy Ph.D. for someone, right there. |
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Close enough to kiss, or no? |
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This goes against the fundamental observations of
social politics and groups, in that asses tend to
congregate in dense formations. There is no other
explanation for either Washington or France. The
electrical attraction between faces and buttocks
must be a much weaker force than the gravitational
attraction between asses. |
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I've noticed that people tend to get drunk in groups at certain
locations and times of day. I can only assume there is a drunk
force at play. |
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So if someone gets shitfaced or arseholed, this can only mean
they are more buttocky and their facial buttock charge must
increase. We can therefore make a link between the drunk
force and the buttock charge. |
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We might be on the verge of a unified field theory here. |
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... but one which only has relevance just as you're leaving the bar an' explainin' it to your beshtes' fren' .. arright ? Explainin' .... Is ..is ... is ... like, totally obvious, innit ? Eh ? Eh ? An', an', an' I'll tell you another thing ... anotherthing ... eh ? |
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