h a l f b a k e r yGo ahead. Stick a fork in it.
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A small valve that enables the squeaker in a puppy's favourite squeaky toy to be turned on and off.
(Category choice based on preventing puppy's human attendants going completely insane)
[link]
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Gesundheit. From the nature of the post, I assumed you'd bought a dog. |
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Ah - NOW it makes sense. Sturton will have his little jokes. I hope it's not making a nuisance of itself - and above all, don't let it on any soft furnishings: that barbecue sauce leaves a stain. |
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"Bark, bark, bark" (repeat until you fall asleep) |
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Then the next day: "Bark,... |
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"Squeak .... squeak ....squeakasqueaka squeakasqueak .... squeakasqueak ...." |
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"Squeak squeakasqueaka squeakasqueak .... squeakasqueak .... squeak ....squeakasqueaka squeakasqueak .... squeakasqueak .... |
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//squeakasqueaka squeakasqueak... |
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Reminds me of the story about the lighthouse keeper who
eventually got completely used to the foghorn sounding every
17 minutes. One night while he was asleep, the horn failed
to sound and he sat bolt upright in his bed and exclaimed
"What was that!?" |
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Have you considered getting it a small, hard rubber ball instead? There's every chance it could stick in its windpipe. |
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Actually, I think [JHC]'s suggestion to //make it remote// is the best option. If you can get the little ShitZu far enough away from you, your problems will be solved. Korea springs to mind. |
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There's no need - turning a small dog into a handbag is actually quite straightforward. |
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If they'd waited until he was dead, they might not have had to pay him so much. |
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// turning a small dog into a handbag is actually quite straightforward. // |
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Indeed, nearly as straightforward as turning a research biochemist into a small pile of smoking organic char. |
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Actually, they rarely bark. They do make lots of relatively quiet odd un-doglike noises, but mainly they prefer to use squeaky toys and things (like bones) that can be bashed against other things (like shins) to make interesting sounds. |
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//turning a research biochemist into a small pile of smoking organic char.// Excellent idea. Biochemists are the most boring lot of all. Nothing like molecular biologists. Much as a ShitZu is nothing like a dog. |
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You do realize, [8th], that the ShitZu genome was sequenced in 2014? Molecular phylogenetic analysis reveals that it's not actually a dog, but a failed attempt by a guinea pig to evolve into a Batesian mimic of a toupée. |
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There's currently a lot of argument about whether Lamarck was perhaps right after all, given that the ShitZu's face has the congenital appearance of having been repeatedly hit with a shovel. |
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About the only thing that can be said in favour of the ShitZu is that it has reasonable ballistic properties. This was discovered, of course, by the Chinese back in the 1800s, who would load a ShitZu after every five or six firings of the cannon, to clear the barrel. |
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// a ShitZu is nothing like a dog. // |
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//a failed attempt by a guinea pig to evolve into a Batesian mimic of a toupée. // |
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Given that a Tzu with a full but untidy coat was once misidentified by a passer-by as a "giant guinea pig", that's about right. |
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// Lamarck was perhaps right after all, given that the ShitZu's face has the congenital appearance of having been repeatedly hit with a shovel. // |
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No debate here, altho the shovel theory has been disproved; the brachycephalic form is caused by repeatedly running into doors and furniture when a puppy, while chasing a laser pen dot. |
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// it has reasonable ballistic properties. // |
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Sadly, they lack terminal guidance. Harm can come to a young gentleman from a poorly-aimed Tzu. |
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// after every five or six firings of the cannon, to clear the barrel. // |
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Given their highly inquisitive nature, the problem is stopping them squirming into that metal tube prematurely, to find out why the Pink Blobs spend so much time fussing over it. |
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Baked, and I do this with some regularity. Link incoming... |
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