To invigorate the sports arena, I suggest the following modernized events:
10,000 m – Every contestant must run in step to the beat of a drum. The runner with the longest strides wins.
Pole vault – While balancing the pole, climb as high as you can before falling.
400 m – Participants
may choose to run with a baby in a stroller or with two dogs on leashes.
Discus – Each takes turn throwing custard pies at the other contestants at 20 m.
Up to 100 m – The runners are anchored with 20m bungee cords. They have 30 seconds to stretch the farthest.
Centathalon – From checkers to shot put to cha cha.
Minithong – 42 km in near-naked more Olympic garb.
High jump – After three bounces on a trampoline, points are given for height over the bar and the dive into a pool on the other side.
Terrain – Dressed as foxes, you are chased 5000 m on an English estate.
Javelin – You throw at moving targets such as a charging rhino or a Canadian goose, at various distances.
10x100 m – At race start, a secret word is whispered to the first runner in each team. Hand-off is done by relaying the word to the next team member. The first team that finishes the race with the correct word wins.
400 m walk – Mixed team couples receive points for best silly walks while arm-in-arm.