h a l f b a k e r yOn the one hand, true. On the other hand, bollocks.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
browse anonymously,
or get an account
and write.
register,
|
|
|
Please log in.
Before you can vote, you need to register.
Please log in or create an account.
|
Snata Klatz
A variation of previous evil Santa alternatives for bad kids. | |
There's a couple of legendary creatures that show up to
the houses of bad kids on Christmas instead of Santa, but
their stories are a bit harsh, including threats of beatings
and kidnappings. Great story to tell your kids if you want
to traumatize them during the holidays.
Enter Snata Klatz,
a kinder, gentler evil Santa. He simply
opens some of the presents, removes the toy inside and
replaces it with a picture of the toy and a note saying
why
it was taken away.
"Dear Billy, I know you wanted your Captain Terrible doll
for Christmas, but you pulled
your sister's hair so no toy for you. Merry Christmas -
Snata
Klatz.
Each empty box would hold another excoriating
message,
but to stave off some of the bitterness your kids will
have
for you once they find out you were behind this, other
presents will have nice notes explaining why the present
left untouched inside
was earned. "You did the dishes so you get your Psycho
Killer Playset, well done!"
We seem to be moving towards a new Halfbakery
category:
"Santa Claus Variations" so maybe this will push it over
the goal line.
[link]
|
| |
Next up... Transgender Claus... |
|
| |
// threats of beatings and kidnappings. // |
|
| |
That's the trouble, they're almost always just threats. |
|
| |
// if you want to traumatize them during the holidays. // |
|
| |
Less good if you want it to be a more long term thing. But there are always boarding schools ... |
|
| |
// to stave off some of the bitterness your kids will have for you // |
|
| |
Your kids will be plenty bitter about you, even if you don't do this ... they'll inevitably end up as little, twisted, vengeful, hate-filled facsimiles of you, just biding their time until they can consign you to a cheap retirement home with criminally low standards and then never visit you again, while plotting how to spend their inheritance. |
|
| |
// We seem to be moving towards a new Halfbakery category: "Santa Claus Variations" // |
|
| |
Very perceptive ... you should post in "Wanted category". Maybe one of Jutta's elves will bring you something nice for Christmas. |
|
| |
If, that is, you've been good. You might just get an empty category with a sarcastic note in it ... |
|
| |
How about threatening small children that the Sarantula will
scuttle down the chimney at night and hide under their bed? |
|
| |
Don't you mean "Santarantula" (you should post that), a huge jolly bearded eight-legged arachnid in a red-and-white costume, that comes down the chimney and brings children gifts, fast-acting neurotoxic venom, and in the case of those with spider phobia very possibly a psychotic break ? |
|
| |
No, I meant Sarantula. Shorter. Scuttlier. |
|
| |
Oh well, as long as it causes the little sods to experience total loss of sphincter control, and subsequently wake up screaming every time they hear a noise in the night for the rest of their miserable, worthless, parasitic lives, it will be acceptable. |
|
| |
//Don't you mean "Santarantula" (you should
post that)// |
|
| |
Go on, then, get on with it. We still have a large wicker hamper overflowing with Christmas ideas to post, we don't need any more. |
|
| |
The fourth annotation already contains the gist of the idea text. |
|
| |