h a l f b a k e r yStrap *this* to the back of your cat.
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Smell-Quell
the device that won Max a Nobel Prize (posthumous) | |
We begin in the future......(the reason will reveal itself
as
you read on)
Many people are familiar with the benefits of noise
cancelling head phones. On a crowded plane populated
with screaming children and other unwanted noise, I
now hear nothing except a sound track of contemporary
Northern
European jazz, interspersed with various
podcasts. This has been transformational to my travel
experience.
Once the unwanted sounds have been pacified, the
olfactory sense still remains unprotected (until now). I
have experienced actual nausea from the rancid fumes
emitted from someone eating KFC muck, and other
varieties of toxic junk food. Then there are sickly
perfumes, colognes, stale sweat, wet dogs, babies with
shite flying out of them, rotten teeth/cigarette breath,
etc, etc to try and minimise using whatever means
possible.
This undiluted assault no longer has to be a problem now
that Smell-Quell has come into existence. Here's what it
does and how it works:
Smell-Quell is a smell cancelling system that discretly
provides you with a constant stream of clean, smell
neutral air. Smell-Quell looks somewhat like an oxygen
supply system, delivered via a clear plastic narrow gauge
hose that terminates at the base of the nostrils.
The supply hose originates from a compact unit which
holds the necessary smell cancelling chemicals, mini
pump
and batteries. This is the very same miracle of modern
chemistry and physics that resulted in the Nobel prize
(posthumous) for ex-Monsanto test tube cleaner Max,
who
came up with the solution shortly before tragically
falling
into the tank of komodo dragon saliva he was distilling in
an effort to up the ante on Agent Orange.
Once activated, just like the noise cancelling
headphones,
any smell detected by Smell-Quell is instantly analysed
and
the exact molecules necessary are generated by Max's
mini
factory to cancel it out. These are then added to the air
supply and sent directly to the wearer's nostrils.
Deluxe version can generate short bursts of smells of
desire, such as 'evening in Bora Bora' or for the likes of
8th
there is 'road-kill in the baking sun' and other pungent
variations.
The late and great Tomasz Stanko
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GOJ4KJz97xo
[xenzag, Oct 02 2019]
[link]
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I’ve had much need of this staying in cheap
accommodation in east London. Nice idea [+] |
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// benefits of noise cancelling head phones. On a crowded plane populated with screaming children // |
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... you can use the cord to strangle them, one at a time, until the screaming* stops. |
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Then there's only the rushing sound of the air over the fuselage, the muted roar of the engines, the occaisional whirring and clicking of the pitch trim adjustment motor on the horizontal stabilizer which seems to be cutting in just a bit too frequently, which along with the distinctive rumble of the fuel transfer pumps implies that the weight and balance isn't quite right, which is worrying enough if it weren't for the occaisional blinks of the cabin lighting indicating load switching between Master Bus A & B, possibly due to a generator issue on the No. 2 engine, which would be consistent with the streaks on the rear cowling of No. 2 which might only be a bit of excess JP-1 being vented from a breather pipe, but from its faint coloration is more suggestive of Skydrol, and if one of the powerplants is leaking hydraulic fluid that's not good, not good at all ... and the starboard inner flap doesn't seem to have fully retracted, at least not as far as the port one ... but then again, maybe the port one has retracted too far, which would mean it might not deploy properly on finals, forcing a high-speed no-flap landing, risking bursting the tyres, and a frantic call for maximum reverse thrust to slow the 'plane before it hits the end of the runway, but with a hydraulic leak the clamshells on No. 2 might not deploy cleanly, and at lower speed there wouldn't be enough rudder authority to correct the yaw, so the slight crosswind is enough to push the maingear off the tarmac and onto the grass, where it digs in, slewing the plane, the wingtip digging in, the other wingtip rising as the whole thing starts to cartwheel, the wing tanks rupture, spewing fuel mist onto the still-hot engines, a huge fireball erupts, framents of disintegrating fuselage scatter ahead of the wreck as passengers, still alive and strapped in their seats are incinerated by the blast ... |
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<Whimpering and twitching/> |
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*Human screaming; live lambs are rarely encountered in the cabins of civil airliners. |
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That annotation was actually 8th having an
orgasm. |
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Alas, the whole idea seems to be based on a false assumption,
namely that there is an "anti-smell" for any given smell. That
is not how the nose works, mon amie. |
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But, but, but, whose going to deliver your future
Nobel prize, and your amazing Komodo kiss of
death elixer, and 8th's pack lunch, and how am I
expected to cope on a Greyhound bus full of KFC
take aways? |
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An Uzi. Pretty soon, the smell of combusted nitrocellulose propellant mingled with the unmistakeable odour of fresh blood will overwhelm everything ... |
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//whose going to deliver your future Nobel prize// at the
rate things are going, the great great grandson of Carl Gustaf
Folke Hubertus. |
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As an alternative, can I suggest that your Smell-Quell
produces a mist of CHCl3 (or, if you're a non-smoker,
[C2H5]2O)? You'll notice a sweet smell at first, but then all
odours will become unnoticeable. |
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//contemporary Northern European jazz// - I think your noise-cancelling headphones might be faulty |
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... or more likely your sense of aesthetic appreciation has been surgically excised. |
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Maybe it happened by accident when they perfomed your (clearly successful) personality bypass operation. |
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// then all odours will become unnoticeable. // |
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Yes, not easy to decode olfactory stimulii when you're unconscious. |
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//stimulii// - ah yes, the plural of the well known word "stimulius" |
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Well, in general each odour will set off multiple receptors,
and hence produce stimuli. So multiple odours would produce
stimulii. |
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//noise-cancelling headphones might be faulty//
Marcin Wasilewski, and Tomasz Stanko coming
through crystal clear. |
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//Stanko// Seriously? You posted an idea about smells, and
you said "Stanko"? |
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I don't think I could like anyone who chooses a name like
"Stanko". And he can't even spell "Thomas" correctly. |
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Non e possibile per me cosi perque sono molto
stanco. |
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// anyone who chooses a name like "Stanko" // |
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It seems relevant to point out that names are frequently an inherited property of your species, although not in the genetic sense. |
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Thus it is entirely possible that the name is a parental consequence rather than a personal elective choice, bearing in mind that many performers do choose to change their birth names to a more convenient "stage name". |
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Well, if that's the case then he clearly chose the wrong
parents - an even worse error. |
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The Buchanans have always, _always_ taken great care in
their choice of parents. In some cases, we have even
deliberated extensively over our choice of grandparents,
great grandparents, and great-great grandparents. This
unbroken chain of wise and considered choices has ensured
that the present generation can trace its ancestry as far
back as Edwicke Beauchanson, and thence to a major
branch of the Plantagenets. |
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Imagine, if you will, what would have happened if any
member of our line had chosen as his/her parent, say
Sharon of Stoke - all dependent branches of the family tree
would simply wither for all time. |
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Isn't this a mental focus thing in which mental training or transcranial magnetic stimulation could give the brain something else to focus on? |
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