h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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For those who aren't familiar with the phrase "slap'n'tickle", it means, to be blunt, sex.
The Slap'n'Tickle Machine resembles a bog standard vending machine, perhaps with some exiting-looking knobs on the side to look convincing. Large signs cover both the machine and the wall behind it, to attract
the punters.
"SLAP'N'TICKLE MACHINE"
"GET SOME SLAP'N'TICKLE HERE"
"CHEAP, CLEAN AND HIGHLY PLEASURABLE"
When a coin is inserted into the slot by a desperate punter, lights flash and dramatic buzzing noises are made.
Then a mechanical hand appears from one side of the machine and slaps the customer lightly around the face; simultaneously a second hand appears from the other side and tickles the user in the chest/armpit area.
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Annotation:
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If someone was expecting /sex/, wouldn't they punch and kick the machine? bun anyway, I like it. + |
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Also available - the rumpy-pumpy chair. |
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And the machine that asks you how your father is. |
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Wha?! I ... understand, but ... I ... WHA?! |
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I think someone's watched one too many Carry On movies. |
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Would this be the only Slap and Tickle machine in the village? |
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Haven't seen a single Carry On movie (a bit before my time) and the only scene I can recall (from various clip shows) is with Barbara Windsor and some sequined nipple-tassles... |
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"Right, mate, first time here, eh? Here, here's a coin,
go have a go at that machine over there - we've all
done it, it's great (snigger)..." |
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