h a l f b a k e r yRIFHMAO
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)
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... wrought-iron frame, 6" nitrided cast-iron cylinders adjustably counterweighted for variable pressure and fired up by small internal gas burner rails; operated by a long graceful crank-handle, pointed in oak.
Bread and bacon sold separately.
If your culinary tastes are more complex, the art-deco
version is electric, including the roller feed which features an "autoreverse" function to keep the food moving between the rollers. You can make a decent grilled cheese sandwich by letting it process a raw cheese one on Low-Medium for a while, then coming back and switching the machine to High for the crispy outer layer once the cheese is melted. Done up in bakelite and white enamelled aluminium with a loading and serving tray.
The modern upscale model, plastic and titanium with a tiny LCD menu screen, operated completely by 4 tiny buttons to choose the cycle, can defrost, cook, then braise a porkchop all in one sequence, and put "grill lines" onto a steak after cooking it to the requested internal RGB value.
Roller Grill
http://www.kunzler.com/grill.asp
The reasons why you should not eat food cooked on one of these things are too numerous to list in full, but it begins with the fact that in a 24-hour convenience store they are rarely, if ever, turned off and cleaned. [Alterother, Oct 17 2012]
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Annotation:
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It's the silent tense of the phrase "let me take you on a journey of culinary delight. Imagine if you will . . .", okay fine: now with more grammar. |
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I keep reading this as Skittle Mangle.... a game of ultimate destruction. |
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This is utterly pointless for cooking bacon, since it's already
flat. What this would be useful for is the intersection of
foods that can be cooked in a skillet and would be better
flattened. Hmm, I dunno… Omelette crepes, maybe? Bun
regardless. |
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^Actually it's wonderful for cooking bacon: set the mangle pressure to High, crank the burners to between Medium-High and Crispy depending on your taste, rotate the handle a few times to distribute the heat, and start feeding in rashers 3-4 at a time. The bacon goes in one side raw and comes out the other how you like it; most of the excess grease will drip into the pan. |
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If you want some toast to go with that bacon then set the flame to Low, set the mangle pressure to very light, and start slowly feeding in bread slices. |
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Now technically it could probably make that vile substance known as "melba toast" by combining a high-pressure with a medium heat and a very slow crank, but that voids the warranty and our customer service people will not return your calls. |
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[+], although this partially already exists in accidental
form: when I was the night manager of a college-town
7/11 (a period of my life that left me with a great wealth
of amusing anecdotes), I learned to pay extra attention to
the roller grill*, since in that era there existed a detestable
comestible known as the Bacon Cheeseburger Dog, which
was a sausage-shaped food product that resembled
a meticulously produced dog turd. It consisted of
guaranteed 80% named meat and various substances that
tasted somewhat like cheese and bacon. |
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Since the Bacon Cheeseburger Dog had an irregular surface
texture, every once in a while one would stop turning on
the rollers and the underside would slowly cook down,
shrinking as it lost moisture and fat, until it was skinny
enough to slip between the rollers. There it would become
lodged, since the top part, which wasn't fully cooked, was
still too wide to fit through. |
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On a particularly busy Friday or Saturday night, a Bacon
Cheeseburger Dog so entrapped might remain undiscovered
for half an hour or longer, resulting in a mess that defies
polite description but which, on the whole, was probably
not much worse than the desired outcome. |
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*(for those who are blessed to have never eaten food
cooked on one, see <link>) |
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Ah, of course - one of the rollers can be set to run the other way for evenly cooked sausages: good one. |
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The rollers can be set for vertical feed as well as horizontal, to improve the grease runoff characteristcs from dripping bacon, as well as handle the aforementioned sausages. |
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And, of course, turning one burner rail off is the "bagel setting". |
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+ A nice idea- like a panini press but with the roller grill aspect. |
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TIL dog turds have cheese and bacon flavor. |
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