h a l f b a k e r yBirth of a Notion.
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This would be great, but you'd get through plates
quite quickly. |
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//This would be great, but you'd get through plates quite quickly// |
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Making the sandwhich all the more secure, resistant to inadvertant nudges, small earthquakes and theft by seagul. |
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Sounds like one of those "it's not a weapon, it's a kitchen utensil" devices that will be introduced as exhibit A by the defense. |
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I'll do a double take at anything that skewers clubs and burgers. |
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Trendy places serve these things on thick wooden trenchers, don't they? |
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//This would be great, but you'd get through plates quite
quickly//
[marked-for-tagline] |
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Extra bun if it can be adapted to use .45 ACP blanks instead of CO2. |
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//introduced as exhibit A by the defense// The
solution is to fire the sandwich onto the skewer,
rather than vice versa. |
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And in any case, why are skewers considered
necessary? They are just saying "Hey, we know that
you just want to pile a whole dumpsterload of food
into your gross gaping mouth, but the laws of physics
make your foot-thick sandwich unviable. So, we'll
just hold it together with a big nail. Happy?" |
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I have a real problem with sandwiches too big to fit in any normal mouth. Once they pass about 2 inches thick, they cease to be a sandwich, the bread at the top and bottom are fulfilling a role that is entirely ceremonial. |
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"Mfff ? Nffff hffffff hnnnnnnn fffffff" |
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The overthick sandwich problem can be solved by
using tiewraps (the big, broad ones) - these can be
pulled as tight as necessary to compress the
sandwich. |
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Failing that, there are those machines they use for
putting the plastic bands on boxes. |
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"Sfffffff Fhhhh mfff hfffffhffff mffffhffff" |
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[8th], you're meant to take it out of the styrofoam
box. |
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I think there may be a market for a domestic version
of the device they use to feed plastic into extruders.
Basically, a motorized helix which draws stuff from a
hopper and feeds it through to a nozzle. |
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Such a device, perhaps supported on an elegant
stainless-steel stand, could be placed in front of the
diner. Burgers, sandwiches or whole animals could
then be dumped into the hopper, only to emerge
conveniently from the nozzle, around which the
diner's mouth would clamp. |
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How on Earth did you know about that? The Arby's
research institute is supposed to be super secret. |
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No, not secret. When they were telling you to "keep your
lips zipped", they were referring to using the zip ties to
hang onto the nozzle. It wasn't about the inadvertent
release of confidential information. |
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