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SegSchute
Our reporter meets the inventor, Professor Von Bäckerei | |
Rep: How did you get the idea for a Segway Parachute?
Prof: Vell, it vas ven I vas…shall I speak vizout an accent?
Rep: Yes, please.
Prof: Well, it was when I was testing the SegSwing. There I was on my aß, swaying six meters above the ground, thinking outside of the sandbox.
Rep:
On your aß?
Prof: Yes, you sit on a board, gyro-stabilized high over a bar, on steel poles. So I thought one could use the same principle with a parachute, to balance over the fabric.
Rep: So, how does the SegSchute work?
Prof: It’s all packed in the 60 kg seat pad: the chute, the usual gyros, motor, battery, computer and the eight carbon fiber, spring-loaded, telescopic support rods. Instead of hanging underneath, one is sitting pretty, high over the silk. Control flaps to release trapped air and the changing lengths of the rods keep you on top of the air pocket.
Rep: What are the advantages with this system?
Prof: It’s a very claßy way to fall. You sit and enjoy the view, while the electronics fly you by the seat of your pants. Though you descend faster than a parachute, the landing on the spring-loaded rods is quite soft.
Rep: I’m concerned about life, battery life.
Prof: If the twin NiMH battery packs fail, you automatically flip over to float down conventionally, except you are upside down and do a one point landing. Our test pilot strongly suggested we include an optional ejection seat with reserve parachute.
Rep: Any other options, add-ons?
Prof: Yes, we are developing a telescopic springboard so one can walk the plank to do some skydiving.
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Hee hee. Bun just for playing outside of the sandbox. + |
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What happens if you sneeze? |
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It's a nice view from up there (+) |
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Sneezing requires gesund height. |
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Ah schute, da longer your fall, da gooder your ride, ya? |
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With the addition of some minor electronics and a, um, joystick, a small amount of steering could be incorporated. Should be see-through material too. Cvoissant ver makings me vinks up a vey to deploy it. |
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“You’re on top of the chute?” Charlene said, tapping a long red fingernail on the maze of lines I’d drawn on a napkin.
“Right,” I said.
“Upside down?”
“No, the usual way.”
“So...it’s like wearing a giant skirt?”
“Sort of, ah,” but she cut me off. I should have seen it coming, the slightest suggestion and she’d be off bragging on her great aunt Agnus Bäckerei and how she’d fallen out the Graf Zeppelin and was saved by her bloomers when they’d inflated around her. She came down smooth as a daisy. Of course, she died from embarrassment when people saw her aß, but Charlene never told that part.
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Be sure and stay away from the trees. |
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