h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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Regular chairs are silly. There's a bunch of material there which is
really doing nothing other then making your body parts
uncomfortable. At least for people with scrotums. I know chairs in
their current generic configuration have been available for
millennia, but I believe there is still room
for improvement. I
propose that chairs' seats should be remodelled. Instead of a
single
surface, the seat should be composed of two separate boards to
support each of the legs. Between the two boards there would be
an
open space allowing for the scrotum to hang freely as nature
intended it to do. This would reduce temperature and pressure on
the testicles making men more comfortable while sitting, happier
and improve their sperm production, both in terms of quality and
quantity. Who knows, maybe it would even contribute to peace on
Earth.
Baked for bicycle seats.
http://www.google.c....1.1163.4ZrOR8i2cm0
[spidermother, Aug 29 2013]
Porphyry Chair
http://s253.photobu...phyryChair.jpg.html
Testiculos habet et bene pendentes! [Wrongfellow, Aug 29 2013]
Hammock in the Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia...ck_(disambiguation)
Seems like hammocks have some other use [PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013]
Gotcha covered...
http://www.geekolog...a-comfy-compute.php
or uncovered as the case may be. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 01 2013]
Your idea sounds a lot like this...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddle_chair
...except that instead of flat boards (how uncomfortable!) it's two curved pieces. [goldbb, Sep 06 2013]
[link]
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Congratulations, you've re-invented the lavatory seat. |
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@8th I'm not sure I agree with you. Lavatory seats are not
ergonomic for long periods as you can easily perceive by
numb legs after using them for consecutive periods of 15
mins or more. Lavatory seats were designed for different
purposes and are not fit for prolonged use. I believe this
results from the fact that the sides are too narrow and far
apart. |
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@spidermom I actually do mountain biking and can tell you
with absolute certainty that they solve none if the
problems I mentioned in the idea. The small slit in bicycle
seats is intended to prevent damage to the prostate that
results from the specific design of the original bicycle seats
which would concentrate too much pressure in the
perineum and therefore, in the prostate. |
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I've had to turn the teevee volume way up --- my sperm are cheering loudly. Still not sure if this is a good thing or not; if we make this accommodation for our sperm, what's next? <here's GROG looking ahead> Giving them the vote? Buying them theatre tickets would bankrupt me, but it might be worth it if I get an evening of peace and quiet (they are a raucous lot now that they're healthier; and it pisses me off that they're CONSTANTLY changing the channels). I rue the day I ever taught them how to use the internet... |
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@Grogster I'm glad your sperm likes the idea. If each of
them votes for it, it'll be the most voted idea in HalfBakery
ever! |
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@spidermom actually, I was going through the pics you
linked and some of them might fit the bill. Those seats
which are two small pads for the buttocks, I mean.
Although I'm not sure how comfortable it would be to sit
long ours on such a small surface. |
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See, the Catholics are ahead of the curve on this one. |
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Nature invented the hammock to cradle the testicals, just
as darkness cradles the stars. |
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@rcarthy the hammock was invented by whom to do what?
[link] |
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Wouldn't this simply be scrotum-neutral ? |
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Paulo, the scrotum is a hammock of skin that tightens and
loosens to determine how gentle it cradles. |
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@rcarty ah! What a beautiful and poetic image. I'm such a
pragmatic person that the beauty of the simple things and
the grand universal parallels of nature sometimes elude
me. Thank you for sharing that. |
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@Flying-toaster I believe it would. What ever else could
someone desire? I thought of this as an improvement to the
work place, so going any further than neutral might be
frowned upon by employers. What were you thinking of? |
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I was wondering what a scrotum-friendly chair would be. |
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Hmm, I see. In my perspective, it is friendly in the sense
that it is comfortable, but I can see how the name could be
misleading :-) |
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//two small pads// Yes, those are the ones I meant. |
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4. Be seated in pendulous comfort. |
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5. Keep cats out of basement. |
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// cut hole in floor // someone must have a hard time
walking around without tripping... |
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@21 yes, those are the next items in the buying list:
specialized underwear and trousers. |
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I believe one of these chairs was tested in a recent
Bond movie - it didn't seem terribly comfortable. |
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Depends what you like ... we understand that some members (hem-hem) of the English upper classes, particularly those who attended Public Schools*, will pay good money (what other sort is there, by the way ?) for that sort of thing ... |
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* But not catholic schools. Kinky, yes - sick, depraved and perverted - no. |
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Paulo, please it approaches new cosmology the sensation
of hammocking ones head, and one's hammock in in one's
hands, all the while lying in a hammock looking into the
hammock of the stars. I write to you from a hammock. |
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There is too much use of the word 'hammock' here. |
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The last one to say it was the first one who started it. |
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I think (might do a web search later to check) that
2/3 of men have one testicle slightly lower than the
other (it's always the same side too, but I'm not going
to check just now), and it is believed to be an
evolutionary reaction to just this problem since they
pack more comfortably when seated for long periods. |
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//evolutionary reaction to sitting// really ? I thought sitting was just an evolutionary coincidence. |
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I look forward to the entire line of scrotum-friendly products. |
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Somewhere on the web is a picture of a wooden chair
carved to perfectly seat each of a man's testicles in its own
little bowl. I've seen it numerous times, but I can't find a
link to it right now because I have better things to do, but
maybe some bored 'baker will go the effort. It's decent
craftsmanship, and mildly amusing. |
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{heavy sigh}
I posted a link to the seat you're talking about this morning [Alterother]. |
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It took me a while to find the right combination of words... and I guess that means I am no longer a Scrotum-friendly-search virgin. |
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Very nice. Not the chair/pic I've seen but close enough that
I'm guessing they have the same maker. |
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There's more than one of those?! |
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I can just hear my wife now; "You're the one that insisted on buying the god-awful thing... man up, and pull the sliver out yourself!" |
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@2_fries that stool is a piece of art. Love it! |
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I'm not so sure about it being used in a public place where
men rub their naked skins and appendices on it. Even if I
find that keeping the kilts tradition alive is very honorable.
Are there specialized discardable seat covers? In the
interest of hygiene? |
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That's a whole nother posting. |
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I think the one in the link is only for early in the day, it comes with some warning about not over-shellacking your morning wood... |
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Somewhere in Spokane is a barrista suffering from the
tragic misbelief that they are funny. |
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Meanwhile, a Friendly Scrotum Chair would be a large wrinkly beanbag seat, with two ... armrests. It would gently crimp and ripple its wrinkles as it resettled itself around the sitter, or just in response to a passing draft. One would feedly oddly inhibited from sitting down hard on it. |
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In other news there was a local gathering around a
memorial erection. Several participants came where they
stood, remarking "we're from around here". |
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Somewhere in Spokane is a tech support operator who
suffers from the tragic misbelief that he is funny. |
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The scrotum chair seems great, until you realize
that sliding off it would shear your balls off. |
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That's right.
A truly scrotum-friendly chair would have a self-sterilizing temperature-controlled pouch lined with faux bunny fur and perhaps just a hint of the scent of lavender. |
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At which point, as a public service, on a slightly related note, Scotch Bonnet peppers should really be handled with gloves. |
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"I asked for a lawyer, and they brought me an avocado." --Umberto Eco |
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What's wrong with Scotch Bonnets? They're not live
explosives. |
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Going commando or not is non-sequitur if one has to take a leak. Washing one's hands rather carefully before heading to the jakes is also non-sequitur. And when you wash ground zero after the burning starts it just increases the capascin contact area. |
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I can't help but notice that the kilt-chair looks ideal for holding skin balm... "Ahhhhhh" |
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//the phrase "It burrrns! It buuurrrrns!" comes to mind.// Which must be why they called it Scotch, in honour of Robbie Burns, the famous Scotch eccentric billionaire. |
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@Maxwel no, no, no. The scrotum friendly chair is open-
ended on the knee side. So slide at will, your balls will be
very safe. |
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It is also a very good idea not to forget to wash ones hands thoroughly after using A5-35 unless you sit to pee. |
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