So the candidate would be droning on about how they're going to save the world, lowering the ocean levels, eliminating cancer and disease, raising third world countries up to 2nd world country status, (we'll all have to dig down deep and make great financial sacrifices though) fighting glorious wars
to end all wars, (for real this time), eliminating political dissent that may cause undue stress etc.
While that's going on, the screen at the front of the podium scrolls how much money that candidate received in campaign contributions from which source such as "50 million of 2 billion total from Blatoncon Pharmaceuticals, Sugarmax Foods" etc. Then what NGOs support that candidate and that candidate supports reciprocally like:
Baking Bread for Baboons in Belize – Teaching jungle primates the joys of artisanal sourdough.
Convincing Camels to Canoe in Chad – A groundbreaking initiative to get desert creatures into water sports.
Encouraging Eels to Exercise in Ecuador – Tiny eel treadmills to combat underwater obesity.
Funding Ferret Fashion in France – Bespoke suits and couture dresses for Parisian mustelids.
Helping Hedgehogs Handle Handkerchiefs in Hungary – Teaching spiky friends proper table etiquette.
Knitting Koala Kevlar in Kenya – Bulletproof vests for eucalyptus-loving marsupials.
Negotiating Nap Schedules for Narwhals in Norway – Ensuring these unicorn whales get proper rest.
Painting Pythons in Peru – Giving snakes a colorful makeover for better rainforest camouflage.
Rehabilitating Rude Roosters in Romania – Anger management for aggressive barnyard fowl.
Teaching Toucans to Tap Dance in Trinidad – Putting beaked birds on Broadway.
Xeroxing Xylophones for Xenarthrans in Xiamen – Ensuring anteaters have ample percussion instruments.
Yodeling Yaks in Yemen – Mountain concerts featuring hairy, horned vocalists.
I'll show myself out.