Scandinavianise England

Many people see Scandinavia as a near-utopia. I am not one of those people because I'm aware of certain heavy- handed attitudes taken by their officials and government and it also seems rather excessively white, which is fine for countries without a history of global viking like England and also an appropriate mutation for the latitude, but I'm not necessarily a big fan of huge income tax either. Nonetheless, I am aware that many people on the Left do idealise the region and for the purposes of this idea I'll run with that.

According to the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, which I don't agree with incidentally, language determines world view. Presumably it was first evoked to explain why Klingons are so belligerent. Anyway, we are confronted with a situation where the more politically liberal, and also boozy, countries are closer to the Arctic than the more politically conservative and less boozy ones, so for example Latin American and African nations are quite conservative, speaking Arabic and the Arabic-influenced Spanish and Portuguese. Then we have the less conservative French- speaking and West Germanic bits, and finally we get the liberal and alcoholic Scandinavian nations near the North Pole, where Nordic languages are spoken. This can be seen in the UK, where the more Scandinavian Scotland is more liberal and contains more alcoholics than the less Scandinavian England.

I will get there.

It's been theorised that, rather than the usual view that the English language is a West Germanic language influenced by the Viking invasions, the truth is that we are really speaking a Nordic language influenced by the West Germanic language which used to be spoken here along with the mutterings of those ex-Vikings, the Normans.

We should capitalise on this possibility by turning English into a more obviously Scandinavian language, with post- positive definite articles, a tone accent and the rest, in order that England become a more clearly liberal and left- utopian nation, because clearly the reason Scandinavia is so "nice" is that their languages are actually a form of Newspeak which stops them from thinking naughty, greedy, freedom-oriented thoughts like the rest of us.

So...:

Manye see Skandinavien at an naer-utopi. Ag ar ikke af dem, forti ag ar upmarksom pon certe hardhandede holdinger, at deres ombudsmen ek rickringen ek dat sims oso timelig overdrivent hvite, hvilk ar fine for lande uten an historie af de globale viking likesom England ek oso an passinde mutation for broadegrade, but ag ar ikke needvendivise an store fan af enorme inkomstax eider. Ikkedeless, ar ag klar over, at manye mennisker pon finsterfloyen dor idealiser regionen ek i forbindels af dis idea, ag vil korse mid dat.

Infolve Sapir-Whorf hypotesis, at ag ikke ar any mid ovry sprok bestimmer vorldenspike. Formindli ver dat fyrst fromkolde at forkleare, hverfor Klingonerne ar so gettisk. Anyway, ar vi konfrontet mid an situation, hver de maer politisk liberale ek oso booxy, lande ar nekste pon Arktik and minore boozy, so for eksempel latinamerikanske o afrikanske nationer ar kvite konservative, talker arabisk ek arabisk-ponvirket spanisk ek portugisk. So have vi de minore konservative franktalkinde ek vest germaniske bits, ek endly for vi de liberale ek alkoholholdye skandinaviske nationer near Nortpolen, hver de nordiske spik talks. Dese kan sees i England, hver den maere scandinaviske Skotland ar maere liberal ek inholder maer alkohollikere dan the minore skandinaviske England.

Eg vil komme der.

Dat ar beent teoriset, at i stead for den seedvenlye idea at dat engliske spik ar an Vest Germanisk spik ponvirket af Viking invasioner, trut ar, at vi virkly talker it nordisk spik ponvirket af Vest Germanisk spik, at ver til at been talkt her gadert mid de mumlinger af dise ex-vikinger, normannerne.

Vi skulde utnide disne maylighood vid at dreye engelsk til it maere openlyst skandinavisk spik, mid post-positive bestemmte artiker, an tone accent ek resten, for at England be an maere kleart liberal ek finster-utopisk nation, fordy kleart grunden Skandinavien ar so "nice" ar, at deres spik ar faktisk an form for Newspeak, dat stopper dem fro at tinke feklesse, gridige, frihood-orienteerede tinker likesome resten af us.

Or something.