h a l f b a k e r yCogito, ergo sumthin'
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Remembering back to when I used to work in an office environment, I do seem to recollect there are already a great many stripes in the average office, on the shirts of the employees. If somebody wants to do a RAID style backup, they might as well use the stripes they already have.
So, coming up with
some kind of optically flipped dye molecule would enable the data to be written on the shirts at the end of the day, presumably by getting the users (victims?) to stand in a circle around a partly dismantled laser printer on a turntable.
The printer would be hooked up to a camera with simple shape recognition software to enable the printer to place the beam accurately on the stripes, and pan around to distribute the data accordingly. After that, they can do maypole dancing, or something.
Suspect some experimentation is needed on
1)Which wash cycles/powders produce the least data loss?
2) The effects on various different types of curry stains on the aforementioned data loss. For example is the algorithm for clearing up data corruption of Sag Aloo stains equally effective on Biriyani?
3)An encryption system to prevent commercial espionage of rival companies by just nicking the shirts off washing lines.
Location of naturally striped data carriers
http://www.equids.org/pzebra.php
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 14 2012]
Gieves and Hawkes
http://www.gievesan...pe-dress-shirt.html
latest 2TB datashirt (ok, I'm lying) [not_morrison_rm, Apr 16 2012]
poor data storage of the Striated Cranesbiill
http://plants.dutch...Striated_Cranesbill
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 17 2012]
Bandicoot (TM) mouse/striped data/UPS
http://museumvictor...n-barred-bandicoot/
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 20 2012]
Stripes
http://www.youtube....watch?v=ArxDgcVHlM8
[pashute, Apr 20 2012]
does what it says on tin, or kilt perhaps
http://en.wikipedia...nd_Green_tartan.png
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 20 2012]
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Annotation:
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Obviously not meant seriously. Now, if the proposed
data storage medium had been *ties* .... |
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Aargh. Ties may be included, a minor oversight on my part. I'm wondering what the data storage capacity is, if you compare ties to bow ties? |
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Of course there's no real reason not to extend this to the external data havens, East and Southern Africa. |
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Admittedly losing your sales report for the 4th quarter of 2011 due to it being in the stripe on the zebra that was eaten by the lion would be vexing...but UPS's become a thing of the past. |
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As for cloud computing, it's more of a swarm as the data is written onto the stripes of bees, you get cheaper storage as the sale of honey offsets partly storage charge. |
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..and for truly secure data storage, consider TigerSafe™. as it's all written onto a very pissed off tiger. |
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OK, [+]
Bow ties have a higher capacity, but slower acces
time, since you have to untie them and stretch
them out to read and write data. Also, they look
silly. |
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I forsee an escalating sartorial data-capacity
status-competition in the
office micro-society. Ties will be succeeded by
waistcoats; frock-coats will follow. Eventually,
the air-conditioning requirements will be similar
to server farms. |
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//Eventually, the air-conditioning requirements will be similar to server farms// |
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Not in England, we all celebrate midsummer when the CO2 starts to thaw, briefly.. |
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It should be possible for businesses to boost data capacity in an emergency, by issuing zebra-striped slightly conical brimless hats to all employees. |
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This might have an effect on the share price of the company, as it might look like a lack of forward planning, but having the CEO on tv saying " I don't know what all the fez is about" should surely calm the markets? |
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//zebra-striped slightly conical brimless hats// |
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In which case, the idea will have to be modified.
Instead of //stand[ing] in a circle around a partly
dismantled laser printer on a turntable//
employees will have to sit, on rotating chairs, and
spin around, as the device scans their hats. Also,
their angular velocities will have to be calculated,
in relation to the turntable's, to allow access to all
hat-sectors (mützebereichen). |
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This arrangement would, of course, be combined
with an office Happy Hour, at which discounted
drinks were offered for participating employees. |
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//This arrangement would, of course, be combined with an office Happy Hour, at which discounted drinks were offered for participating employees.// |
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and as an extra sweetener, the laser power could be boosted, dual-use to remove unwanted body hair, tattoos etc at the same time..and possibly the odd ear.."Sorry about Carruthers, has anybody seen the stapler?" |
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And Tibetans, let's not forget about Tibetans, any spare data capacity on the prayer wheels could be used for vertical striping use as well. And mime artists stripey Breton shirts... |
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Take a deep breath, [!mrm]. Calm yourself. The
emergency services are on their way. Now, will you
take your medication by mouth, or are we going to
have to use the needle again? |
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"dangit, we lost Accounting again: Smitherson! Stop sweating !" |
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"I'll stop sweating when you point that fecking
LASER* at someone else." |
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*capitalized correctly, in honor of Mr. [UnaBubba] |
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// Take a deep breath, [!mrm]. Calm yourself.// |
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No, it's ok, I'm wearing the foil lined hat... |
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Oh and storing patients medical records on passing candystripers, if you happen to be on that side of the Atlantic.. |
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Of course the military applications are obvious... |
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But it would need a reworking of the rank insignia, certainly for the UK military. |
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The highest rank would no longer be General but Staff Sergeant, as they have more data carrying capacity, what with the three stripes and all... |
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Error 401k: File not found... |
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and they have a slimming effect. |
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I'll have to dust off my old chalkstripe suits, from my
days working for law firms. |
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I also have a fine collection of microfiche ties,
somewhere. |
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//I also have a fine collection of microfiche ties// |
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The old FBI archiver's joke "Luca Brasi? He sleeps with the fiches now." |
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Breaking news Gieves and Hawkes releases newest datashirt, "Folded and hemmed placket with Australian white ... Barrel cuffs...Split back yoke for increased comfort, 2TB data storage and integral USB2". |
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I'll be waiting for USB 3.0 thanks. USB 2.0 is
dreadfully slow if you're using it to access big files on
a 2TB shirt. |
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Sadly, I think a QR-code tie would be reasonably commercially succesful |
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//Sadly, I think a QR-code tie would be reasonably commercially succesful// |
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I'm just wondering what it might say "My other tie is a Porsche?" |
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Anyway who wants reasonably commercially successful? Show me the money! The big, big money! |
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<ponders on racoon/Tanuki stripes, striped fish and finally grasps the possibilites of the data that could be encoded in a stripey deck-chair, which would serve the function of a black box on cruise liners, recording in real time |
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1)speed
2) location
3) location of the lifeboats
4) location of the captain |
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auto-uploading the data via satellite should 4=3 > |
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// Nice thought, [not].// |
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I edited it a bit. Currently depressed at the low data storage capacity of the Striated Cranesbill. What was the creator thinking about? |
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I was thinking of the Italian cruise liner captain /
lifeboat link. |
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I record data in stripes etched into my bed post... |
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//I record data in stripes etched into my bed post...// |
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For me, one digit would do it, and that's in binary...<sighs> |
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//I was thinking of the Italian cruise liner captain / lifeboat link// |
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<wonders if "if 3 and 4 are contiguous" would be correct?> |
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or alternatively go old-school: micropolkadot bikinis. |
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There's no call for that type of behavior. |
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Did I mention the combined mouse/striped data repository/UPS? |
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- ok, technically it's not a mouse, it's a striped bandicoot (see link), but same difference whatever.. |
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- and in a power cut you can put it in the running wheel and it could power a laptop for up to 10 seconds at a wild guess. |
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Scientifically, polka dots are better. |
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//Scientifically, polka dots are better// |
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hmm, you can wear them, or do the dance, so it is dual-use technology...but I still put my money on stripes... |
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//Plaid.
That's the ticket.// |
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MacGregor red and green tartan (C link)seems the best because
1)reasonable data storage
2) in-built migraine inducing effect to deter data thieves trying to memorise it.
3) with sufficient processing power and reversible red/green threads it could show a poor to reasonable rendition of Avatar. Just don't ask me where in the kilt the sound effects will come from... |
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Would this system work on PC, or would it be limited to Mac
platforms? |
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"there can be only one... or zero"
"Binary's a bitch." |
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Good lord, the first ever documented request for open-source tartan...watch as Microsoft try getting in on the action... |
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