SQL Instate

INSTATE INTO <tablename>
<column> = <value> AS KEY
{, <column> = <value> AS KEY}
{, <column> = <value>}

This is for all those times when you find yourself typing something like
SELECT COUNT(*)
FROM sometable
WHERE some - column(s) - which - may - or - may - not - consitute - an - official - unique - key = some - value(s)

IF [what we just selected] > 0 THEN
UPDATE sometable
SET all - these - columns - no - not - just - the - key - like - columns - some - other - ones = all - these - values

ELSE
INSERT INTO sometable ( all - these - same - columns - both - the - key - like - ones - and - the - other - ones )
VALUES ( the - same - values - as above )

Basically, it just means you type out the list of columns and values only once, and the existence check is implied.

.. and I like "INSTATE" because, in the best traditions of SQL, it's a real English word with almost the right meaning, *and* it looks almost like a cross between INSERT and UPDATE.