Rube Goldberg Diaphram

The Zen diaphragm got me to thinking. Why not a diaphragm that REALLY puts those spermatozoa to the test? I propose a diaphragm with miniature Rube Goldberg contraptions built in using nanotechnology. There would be obstacles that the sperm would have to negotiate in order to win the right to battle the female body for fertilization. It would start out with a tiny balloon with a miniature basket that would carry the sperm to a needle on a stick that then pops the balloon. As it falls, the weight displacement causes the basket to rotate dump the sperm onto a teeny tiny bucket placed on a microscopic seesaw that then launches a miniature cat onto a miniscule piece of rug suspended from the roof of the diagram. The small cat grabs onto the rug, causing a small accumulation of static charge to travel across a nanowire. This nanowire connects to the world's smallest lightbulb, which now turns on. The infinitesimal amount of light produced by this bulb now awakens a crotchety old nanobot that promptly mini-dropkicks the bucket of sperm through a small opening in the diaphragm. The final result being overachiever kids with pure Type-A personalities and a genetic predisposition to winning lotteries.