h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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I left my office this afternoon with the intent of spending some "me time" in the bathroom, as I am wont to do every now and then. Unfortunately, just as I made myself comfortable on the john, I realized that I had left the newspaper on my desk. Two problems immediately came to mind: a)I would be totally
lacking in mental distractions without the world news, and b)my boss would realize that I've been educating myself rather than slaving over menial tasks.
Two very serious problems indeed.
So why not have two solutions at once?
In stalls with the space, install a monitor into the wall, with an internet connection arising from elsewhere in the building. Also, a few laser-beam motion detectors installed into a wall within easy reach of the toilet.
The monitor would be linked to a major news outlet, like NBC news, BBC, al-Jazeera, whatever, as well as a local news outlet, like your morning paper's website.
Moving your hand through a particular beam would connect you to a particular news site. One pair of beams would set scrolling up and down, and for the sake of simplicity, all stories would be posted on one scroll, or perhaps a small group of scrolls.
No boredom, no danger of being outed as a news junkie, and no touching anything. Party on.
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Annotation:
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Mixing laser beams and anything to do with the genital area brings back wincing memories of watching Goldfinger as a child. |
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You could just scrap the lasers and change the channel with your foot. |
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Or the mgmt could be nice enough to tape the front page of the New York Times to the walls. |
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Use tape? When I can use lasers? Art thou mad? |
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Although the foot idea has its merits... |
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Seems to me overly complicated. I vote that the weight of your deposit determines the channel. Anything over a pound gets you Fox news. |
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shapu, it certainly do. Plug it in. Need something to take your mind off... outletting. |
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[ldischler] Funniest thing I've ever read on the 'Bakery, I think. |
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I've been thinking about this, though... What about a simple CNN-style ticker? No interfacing, just mindless reading - much like a newspaper. Only better, because it's way more high-tech and prohibitively expensive. |
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I'm thinking why not shoot PAL instead of NTSC here in N.A. and sell this 'news service to lavs.' in Europe and other PAL countries instead of to a smaller, more competitive market here in N.A.? |
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[wag] what's your opinion? |
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//Mixing laser beams and anything to do with the genital area brings back wincing memories of watching Goldfinger as a child.// |
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"Do you expect me to talk?" |
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"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to POOP!" |
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My opinion (thanks for asking, [mens]) is that soon HD will supercede both PAL and NTSC and ruin our technical superiority over the US. I also think that our toilets will soon be plastered in screens, tv and advertising and I can do without that in the one peaceful place left. However, the laser beams are good - maybe they could operate the toilet roll dispenser. |
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Good to hear a voice from the past, [mens] - this place is a tiny bit less insane without you. |
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/no danger of being outed as a news junkie/ |
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Your boss would be annoyed to find you reading the paper, but prepared to install a monitor and accompanying laser-system in the restroom for you? |
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Sure - you gotta go, but you don't have to stop working to read the NYPost. |
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