h a l f b a k e r yA riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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With a big three prong hook that you maneuver into place, press the red button, and it moves down, grabs your sandwich (if you positioned it correctly), lifts it up, carries it over to the drop chute and lets go. |
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What you need is refrigerator television -- one channel of your TV that's connected to the inside of your refrigerator! Cameras mounted on tracks inside the refrigerator would follow a standard course through all the shelves, and broadcast what they see into your bedroom. |
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Want to see what's on? TV Guide channel.
Want to see what there is to eat? Freedgie Guide channel. |
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I’d love to have a periscope, but I’d settle for peephole like I’ve got on the front door. And a push button next to it for turning on the light.
A laser scanner would also be nice. It could scan everything as it went in and out, keeping an inventory. An integral scale under the fridge could calculate usage -- how much milk is left in the milk carton when you put it back in. Once a day it could print out a grocery list, or even send an order directly to the store. |
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Along with the periscope, I need a Fridge Torpedo. To destroy rotten leftovers.
Since this isn't the pun idea I won't mention "enemy subs". |
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A sushi-bar-style conveyor belt carries food and drinks out of the fridge, past your chair and back into the fridge, where a long spiral arrangement keeps the items inside said fridge for 95% of the time. |
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I am dumb struck! Sushi bar conveyors exist for real? |
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Yes, TL, they do - in sushi bars. Let me elaborate, however - a _hypothetical_ sushi-bar-style conveyor belt, adapted for home use. And a fridge with appropriate modifications. |
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The conveyor belt is a great idea!!!! But, for items to stay refrigerated often enough not to spoil, the conveyor belt has to either be really fast, or have a long gap between "showings". Or be refrigerated itself. |
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[friendlyfire], You spiral arrangement makes me think of the gumball vending machines having the colorful gears, whistles, bells, slides and an auger. This could be used as a secret weapon in the war against childhood obesity by dispensing only fruit and raw veggies. For the rest of us adults, waugsqueke's three prong hook could be employed for retrieving the most decadent desserts(<g> sometimes were lucky, sometimes not) Pluterday could run a screen-in-screen video of jazzercisers doing bicycle kicks and such in her scope-views. |
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I still coming to terms with the idea that a newspaper cartoon illustration I saw recently was not just satire but a sign of the times now... |
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Hey, if I get a sushi-bar conveyor belt then I also want one of those automatic drink carts to come rolling by my sofa every ten minutes. |
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The spiral arrangement was inspired by the conveyor belt in a baked-goods factory in which I once did holiday work - doughy blobs get put on the belt, which goes up the spiral inside the oven, comes out on the top, and back down another spiral. By the time the blobs, now wholemeal baps, reach me, the schmoe quietly cursing the temp agency, they are cool to the touch, and can be put into the wrapping machine. |
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So, how do we equate lost refrigeration to the cost of the periscope? How many years of periscoping the refrigerator in lieu of opening the door will it take to make up for the additional cost of this system? Do you think when I go out for a few beers and arrive home hungry that I'll waste my time with the periscope? I'll fling the door wide open and survey the contents firsthand, the way I've always done. |
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[X2] Everyday Nafta costs more jobs, and everyday cherished mechanical inventions are junked in lieu of cheaper and more flexible electronics. You shouldn’t disparage the economics of the fridge periscope. After all, it’s mechanical…well, at least it’s not electrical. Sure, the economics are not there. Not yet. But just wait. Soon enough your unemployment checks will run out, and you’ll be peering through that periscope (if you had one), trying to locate that last beer. |
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