h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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A set of books akin to the type given to young children: water... er,
fluid-resistant paper, thick pages, spiral bound; but in particular, large, clear
lettering. One recipe per book, and one very simple instruction per page. For
example:
+ FIND SOME FLOUR
+ FIND A CUP MEASURE
+ FILL CUP
MEASURE WITH FLOUR
...et cetera.
Further to this, there is a small coloured tab in the corner of each page. The tab is light sensitive and gradually changes colour as it is exposed, so as to help you remember if you only just turned the page or not.
Finally, any part of the recipe requiring a timer (for example, the cooking part) has, embedded in the page, a small electronic timer for exactly that purpose. Drunk people shouldn't have to time things themselves, especially where ovens may be involved.
Don't Drink and Fry
http://www.st-andre...ice_safety/dont.htm
Post-pub danger. [oneoffdave, Jan 17 2005]
Drunk Chef
http://www.drunkchef.com/
Overestimating the mental and physical dexterity of the inebriated since 2004. [calum, Jan 17 2005]
[link]
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i was so drunk last night I baked a cake. doesn't sound right somehow. i think the recipes of the drunk would really be filled with disgustingly greasy concoctions that sounded like a good idea at the time ie bacon, peanut butter and potato chip toasted sandwiches. |
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That's not to say I wouldn't wake up the next day and stare in utter bafflement at the biohazard that, in the early hours of that same day, looked like a gourmet self-saucing lemon pudding. |
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Have you met [skin]? It seems ya got some things in commem. |
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There was something a little like this on the tv years ago. It was a cookery programme hosted by a couple of students in a grubby student kitchen. They came on at around three a.m. and explained how to make munchies and simple meals in five minutes when confronted with only a tin of beans, an egg and an old shoe. They seemed to be high on something or other, but maybe that was the eye of the beholder. |
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"It's a good book, but you really have to be stoned to enjoy it." |
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My flatmate cooked whilst drunk one night. He served us boiled knives. |
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A friend of a friend once took amphetamines because he wanted to get the redecoration of his kitchen finished quicker... |
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Perhaps there is a T.V. Show in the works: “Delicacies for the Drunk.” |
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Today’s show is ‘Spaghetti, the food that looks the most interesting after you vomit it back up’.
But first our sponsor: Sidmak Laboratories Inc, the maker of Antabuse. |
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Write companion recipes to get your vomit to be tye-dye colors, and just serve them before you start drinking. |
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Heh, heh, why not bung a bun this way [+] hi, LBF. |
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The last thing you need is more drunk people cooking. coming back fromn the pub and into the kitchen is the leading cause of house fires in the UK. |
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Interesting, that the safety warning [dave] linked is on a student website, which, now that I think about it, ties in with the frenzy of sirens and fire and hoses that occurs every September in this University Town. |
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That was the only non-pdf site I could find, but it's common across all UK fire services. This and the 'prank' of setting off the fire alarm are the usual reasons to the student related fire activity. |
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Actually, the leading causes of fire-alarms in Edinbrugh University halls last year included burnt toast, candles, and deoderant and other aerosols. Hypersensitive detectors they have. |
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The only recipe I'd need when I'm drunk is "Open bag of bread. Eat." I really wouldn't trust myself or anyone else with cutlery, fire, and using an oven while under the influence. Bread is all I can stomach when I'm drunk, anyway. |
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[oneoffdave] I like the way that first link
says that a post-pub attempt to cook
"normally results in a fire scenario". |
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\\He served us boiled knives.\\ This is evidence for why you should be able to bun annotations. |
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Judging by all the health warning perhaps we should start building ovens that require a breathalyser tesst to be used. |
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+ This is excellent and can be used for those with dementia, also! |
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2- Dial Domino's pizza... that's right, dial Domino's
pizza...one number at a time.. ok start over...
246.. |
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3- Ok, dial the operator and have her put you
through to Domino's pizza. Push 0... that's 0 on
the phone. 0 on the phone. Push 0. |
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4- Try clicking the receiver a couple of times, like
in the movies. See if that works. |
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For those of us who prefer to derive pleasant levels of
inebriation via means other than alcohol, the books should
be constructed of flame-resistant materials. This would
also benefit folks who, like [The Alterother], are a little
too comfortable around fire and are therefore prone to
occasional combustible mishaps even when stone cold
sober. |
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I would build this as a sturdy kitchen kiosk. That way
questions of page-turning could be avoided. It could even
have different modes from "I'm just a little buzzed, give
me the recipe" to " wassat?" |
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