Radial implosion suicide vest

A thorough examination of the available data, including a large number of plastic evidence bags containing a wide range of organic and inorganic fragments, suggests that current products in the marketplace are badly engineered and woefully inefficient.

There is an unacceptably asymmetric dispersion of the pressure wave with resultant loss of focus.

So, motivated entirely by a spirit of altruism and unselfish concern for others (NO, our account has NOT been hacked), we have designed a suicide vest for your 21st century.

The BorgCo device is much slimmer and lighter than existing designs. Building on the familiar technology of explosive lenses, our "SqueezaVest" is a quantum leap forwards, or more precisely upwards. Using a precisely timed network of high speed detonators, and triple-redundant sequencing, the vest produces a radial implosion, converting the wearer into a vertical jet of homogenized organic material.

Importantly, there is almost no horizontal dispersion. The gas bubble is small, and most of the energy is efficiently absorbed in generating the "toothpaste-tube" effect, meaning that bystanders are - providing they have consumer-grade eye and ear protection - at no risk of anything more than minor injury.

We intend that these devices should be produced by a crowdfunded initiative which we will be delighted to manage for a very modest administrative fee, and given away free to anyone who asks for one. The vest will be tightly fitted, locked in place, and the wearer ejected forcefully from the premises before the timer runs down to zero.