h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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It's unlikely that a retrofit will solve your problem. |
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I guess that's the problem with wandering nomadically.
Where exactly did you lose it? |
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What [Max] said. I'd say you're f*cked, pretty much.
Well, maybe not for awhile.... |
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If you could give us the continent you were on... |
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In the meantime, wasn't there an idea for a metal
wring-proof collar of some type around here a few
weeks ago? |
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edit: If a bun will help (it won't ), have mine: [+] |
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I'd suggest renewing your vows with an expensive service and some brand new rings ... good luck! |
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There's a simple solution to this problem. First, can you lay
your hands on a dead mouse, a copy of "Chambers Dictionary
of Science and Technology" (hardback), a large baking potato
and a strip of white fabric approximately 1 inch wide and 11
inches long? |
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([nomad] I can loan you the mouse and the potato, no
worry.) |
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Ok, what's the plan [Max]? (This should be good...) |
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[MaxwellBuchanan] I lost it somewhere along a 2 mile path (I know the path very well). If it hadn't been for the 1.47 million fall leaves I probably would have found it. |
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"There's a simple solution to this problem. First, can you lay your hands on a dead mouse, a copy of "Chambers Dictionary of Science and Technology" (hardback), a large baking potato and a strip of white fabric approximately 1 inch wide and 11 inches long?" I guess I can... |
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Easy. Wrap embarrasingly naked ring-finger in white fabric.
Place book on floor in bedroom. Hold mouse in other hand.
Explain to spouse that you caught the mouse and beat it to
death with the book, but damaged your knuckle in the
process. Then head for the nearest hospital which has a
resident jeweller who can fashion you a replica. Brownie
points and situation saved. |
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and you expect me to believe that? |
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//embarrasingly// singly says it all. |
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I better prepare myself for a neck wringing. |
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would you like me to administer? |
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Just make sure you carefully remove the ring of lipstick from around the base of your member and everything should be fine, [nomad] :) |
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What I want to know, [MB], is what do I do with this
potato? |
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//the 1.47 million fall leaves// |
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Aha! The answer has been staring at us all along. One
of those leaves is NOT a leaf! It's the ring! Marriage
saved! Hooray! I think you should....[infidel]? |
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//what do I do with this potato?// Nothing. I just think it's
always a good idea to have a potato in the house. |
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[Grogster] Perfect timing. |
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//I just think it's always a good idea to have a potato
in the house.// |
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And so it is! Splendid! You think of everything, [MB]! |
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I have a metal detector. Just come on over, I'm in San Diego. |
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OK. My wife was quite understanding about the whole issue. The mother-in-law is coming over for breakfast tomorrow morning. I should be out of the woods. |
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[Grogster] Good suggestion. |
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//the 1.47 million fall leaves// Try this <link> |
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//I should be out of the woods.// |
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I still think you should be out IN the woods looking
for that ring. |
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[Boomershine] After four reenacted trips we've given up. |
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You could construct a gold-magnet. I'm sure I didn't dream
it. It's an electromagnet which has an oscillating field which
induces a current (and hence a magnetic field) in non-ferrous
metals like gold and copper, and thereby picks them up. |
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The dog ate it. It's in your backyard nestled in poo. |
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Did you check your pockets? And trouser turn-ups? |
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//And trouser turn-ups?// That's assuming he wears the
bottoms of his trousers rolled. Peach, [wonderer]? |
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//And trouser turn-ups?// |
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It's not a difficult deductive process, [mouse]. |
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First, the suspect calls himself "nomadic wanderer". This
indicates a person who yearns for a carefree life, yet has
no real prospect of one. This indicates someone who's
life-course has been set for some time, yet someone who
is not yet so old as to have resigned himself to his fate. |
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Therefore, we may safely conclude that this person is of
late middle age. |
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In addition, the timing of the original posting, and of
annotations thereafter, also suggest that this person has
considerable flexibility regarding his daily routine. He is
clearly not a lowly employee somewhere, whose day is
tightly regulated by the clock. |
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We also note that this person takes a morning walk
regularly (since he used the phrase "morning walk today",
as if it were habitual and natural). This, again, suggests a
life of relative leisure. |
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Ergo, we are dealing here with someone in late middle
age, who has a leisurely schedule and may, dare I say it, be
sufficiently wealthy to have taken early retirement. This
notion is further supported by the fact that the monetary
value of the lost ring has not figured in this discussion. |
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The gentleman also lives in a wooded area, and in a fairly
exclusive one at that, since he has not suggested that any
other passer-by may have picked up the lost ring. |
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So, we have a gentleman of leisure living in a leafy, well-
to-do area. |
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I note also that it is autumn - a time when early-morning
walks are particularly seductive. |
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Why, then, would such a person walk a mere two miles, as
he has claimed? Why not three, or four - after all, he has
all the time in the world, and lives in a beautiful part of
the country. Who, under such circumstances, would
consider a mere two miles to be an adequate morning
walk? |
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Obviously, a person with short legs. |
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And what must a short-legged person do with his trouser
ends? |
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This has been quite a two-pipe problem. |
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//this person is of late middle age// Rolled trouser bottoms
follows immediately, QED. You could have stopped after the
first pipe. |
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it's ours, we found it, all by ourselvesesss |
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//And trouser turn-ups?// |
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I've heard of trouser trout. I suppose "trouser turn-up"
could be another euphemism for the bald headed
hermit...but, you lost me after that. |
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[Max] //You could construct a gold-magnet. I'm sure I
didn't dream it.// |
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You didn't. I don't know much about them, but
prospecting for gold was/is popular in Alaska. When I
lived there, those gold detectors were advertised on
TV. They were apparently most useful when a probe
was pushed into the bottom of a stream. |
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Might I humbly suggest, [MB], there are a number of flaws in your logic. |
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In short, our man is a drug-addicted, well-dressed, autistic, hen-pecked dwarf who has lost a lot of weight recently, as I shall explain hence... |
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I will grant that the loser, err... erstwhile wearer, of the ring was indeed upon what appeared to be a morning walk in an apparently affluent area of some place in the northern hemisphere (it's only autumn in half of the world at the moment). I also accept he may have been wearing short-legged trousers with turn-up cuffs. Here, however, I must diverge with you, on a number of salient points. |
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Firstly, the loser has not stated that it was his wedding band that he lost, only that he would propose to make a wedding band that carries an RFID device, presumably to make it easier to find if it is lost or misplaced. He does state that he has lost a ring, so we assume it was his ring, though he may equally have been in the aforementioned affluent area for the purpose of pickpocketing or burglary or have accepted it as payment for some product he supplied to another. He may have affected to have obtained ownership of the ring, following either of these events. |
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Secondly, he states that he lost the ring, though does not specify how he lost it. We might assume he has lost a considerable amount of weight recently, possibly because of illness or feelings of guilt or recent embarkation upon a vigorous scheme of exercise. If his finger has thinned sufficiently that it makes the ring easy to slip from his finger then we may be safe to assume one of these. I shall discount the latter as he has told us he walked only two miles, which would take the average man approximately 27 minutes, at a decent walking pace. That is hardly vigorous exercise, unless he is a very elderly man or a man with very short legs. No evidence is presented to suggest he regarded the walk as leisurely, so he may have been in a hurry, or he may not. |
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If it is guilt that has driven his loss of weight then it may be that he is keeping secret assignations with a mistress, in which case he may have deliberately removed the ring, to spare her feelings. This theory may be lent weight by his assertion his wife (we must assume he is still married to her, if he was wearing the ring and it was a wedding band) will wring his neck tonight. We don't know whether she had already told him this prior to his walk (perhaps his last such walk, to break off his affair with the mistress) and he has lost his ring in his confusion and terrorised anticipation. He does not elaborate upon the reasons for anticipating violence from his wife, so I have drawn the conclusion such expectations are commonplace for him, practically ruling out the recent discovery he is keeping a mistress. |
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Nor does he specify the exact nature of "The product" he mentions. We assume, as we are wont to do, that he is referring to the proposed RFID wedding band. Alternately, it may be that he is referring to haircare cosmetic products or some other product. He has mentioned he will be most appreciative if someone could patent and manufacture "the product" in the next two hours. This is patently ridiculous, as prosecution of a patent application takes a period of 15-18 months, allowing for advertising and objection periods. |
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Finally, he mentions a figure of 1.47 million leaves, somewhere on the 2 mile route he walked. |
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Having watched the movie " Rain Man" a number of times, I have come to the conclusion the loser of the ring is a member of a secret society of autistic drug couriers; a ring masterminded by his wife and that he has lost his gang fraternity ring, possibly along with a substantial quantity of "the product"; a synthetic amphetamine product that he has used sufficiently himself to endure some remarkable weight loss, though he is unaware how to synthesise "the product" himself. He was in the area for the purpose of peddling the product to the affluent denizens of the neighbourhood and was distracted by his compulsive habit of counting everyday objects he observes. He may have been robbed at this time by a person, or persons, unknown. In any case, the loss of both product and ring would have put his life in danger with his cohorts in crime. |
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His wife, the gang mastermind, may well have already ended his life, following his loss of both "product" and takings and has sought to dupe us into believing he is still alive with this statement //My wife was quite understanding about the whole issue//. This is obviously a red herring and I believe we will find that he is already dead, his body concealed beneath a large pile of leaves. I believe we should have the police arrest the wife and see if they can't roll up the entire drug ring. |
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[infidel] You will note that he does not mention that his dog
barked. That, I believe, is significant. However, I admit that
your deductive powers may be the equal of my own, and I
congratulate you. |
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restrained applause for [infidel] |
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here it isss, we thoughts they had sstolen it back, we hates them, its ours, safe and secret now |
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[infidel]'s just makes more sense. |
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[MaxwellBuchanan] 1. Pockets were checked several times. 2. "Therefore, we may safely conclude that this person is of late middle age." I'm 32. 3. "This notion is further supported by the fact that the monetary value of the lost ring has not figured in this discussion." The ring was a gift, I don't know how much it cost. 4. "also suggest that this person has considerable flexibility regarding his daily routine" this is true. 5. "we have a gentleman of leisure living in a leafy, well- to-do area" I live in Westland, MI the exact opposite of what you just described. 6. "Obviously, a person with short legs." if all the legs in the world were sorted by length I believe mine would figure somewhere in the middle. |
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[infidel] 1. I did lose my wedding band. 2. It takes me 45 minutes to walk two miles. 3. I haven't lost any weight. I weigh 178. Three years ago, I weighed 178. 4. "Having watched the movie " Rain Man" a number of times, I have come to the conclusion the loser of the ring is a member of a secret society of autistic drug couriers; a ring masterminded by his wife and that he has lost his gang fraternity ring"--dulcet. 4. I'm alive and well. |
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As my top detectives theorize possibilities let's not forget we still have a wedding ring at-large. |
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[infidel] If I saw a woodpecker with my ring I'd be happy. |
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oh no, the woodspecker will feel nothing. our fingerss are long and sstrong. its ours now, we have it safe still, yess |
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their detectoring doesnt scare usss, no, we have hidden it safe, where the detectorer is scared to go, itss ours now anyway, yess |
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In Soviet Russia, house elf rules you. |
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