h a l f b a k e r yIf you need to ask, you can't afford it.
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On the back of a seemingly regular pair of underwear
a slim
insert above the buttocks will once and for all end all
"loud intruders" in your home!
You will never have to worry about going into the
other
room to fart with the new Quiet Pants®! A noise
cancelling and odor absorbing fabric
is used in the
construction to dampen
the farts and then a bluetooth microphone hooked up
to the sensor detects the fart and either emits a
noise
cancelling wave (opposing sound wave) or masks it
with
a louder noise of your choice customizable from your
phone on the quiet pants app.
Now the real elephant in the room is.... well they
may
not have heard... but have they smelled? Turn down
the odor on your ass screams! We have thought of
that
too when the microphone detects a fart, an odor
masking fragrance emitted from the
device underneath the Quiet Pants® to try and cover
your tracks.
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Annotation:
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What about the expression of smug satisfaction on your face? |
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Alternatively, some nethergarments which are full of helium, or sulphur hydroxide, so raising the sound above the level of human hearing, or lowering it to the point you can pass it off as some whale music you're listening to.. |
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How about a fashion skirt that works like a kayak deck, so you can clip yourself into a window frame? |
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^^//hydroxide// sp."hexafluoride", and it wouldn't work unless your colon started off full of the stuff. |
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My farts are damp enough thanks. |
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