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[Advertisement opens in kitchen. Two young boys, BOY 1 and BOY 2, are seated on adjacent stools at the breakfast table. BOY 1 pours cereal into his bowl, and examines it with a pocket magnifying lens.]
BOY 2: What's that you've got in your bowl?
BOY 1: Precancerous Crunch, of course! It's
my favorite.
BOY 2: Say, what're those little red bits?
BOY 1: They're the marshmellow melanomas. I just check against the box's handy list of criteria to see if they're malignant.
[Camera moves to behind BOY 1 and shows box's colorful chart.]
A is for asymmetrical, B is for borders that are uneven or irregular, C stands for a color varying from one area to another, D is for diameter larger than 6mm, and E is for enlargement over time!
BOY 2: Gee, that's swell! But how do I know which are malignant and which are benign?
[Close shot of cereal shown with trademark cereal commercial-style splash of milk.]
BOY 1: It's simple- just add milk, and the benign marshmallows turn blue!
VOICEOVER: Precancerous Crunch-- the only cereal with 13 essential vitamins and minerals, as well as official recognition by the National Cancer Institute.
BOY 2: Wow! This mole on my arm meets three of the five criteria for being a malignant melanoma! I'd better go speak to my licensed dermatologist. Thanks, Precancerous Crunch!
VOICEOVER: And for a limited time, you can send in 5 box tops for this awesome do-it-yourself biopsy kit. Be the envy of all your pals!
-------
Author's Note: [bwv61] seems to get the idea here! It'a got that 'try and gross out mom' factor kids love, but they are actually learning something. Plus, a product tie-in with Banana Boat could work wonders for both brands.
Inspired By.
http://www.halfbake...a/Cannibal_20Crunch
Cannibal Crunch, by [Linuxthess]. [Aude Sapere, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
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Er...educational, to say the least. |
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[throws up] Yes it's educational. Yes, I
admire the sentiment, but there's
something about this idea that...
[reaches for bucket again] |
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I'm not sure that this would catch on. For some reason. |
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Dead kids take up a lot of space and you'd get bored of it after you've taken out all the organs and made a puppet show. Er...probably. |
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This could qualify as emergency disaster relief in Australia. Poor ozone-less whities... |
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okay, I get it now. I thought that it was
a cereal that gives kids cancer. |
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As long as it doesn't teach the kids how to check for prostate cancer, we're good. |
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-Welcome home- did not know who you were. Still not understanding the idea so well though. Maybe you will email me and clarify. (Profile page). |
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Nice to see you again, [Ms.]! |
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And, for your 8-going-on-13 year old son, testicular precancerous crunch. |
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<looking at his profile> Fifteen! The kid’s some kind of Ferris Bueller. Anyway, I’m voting for it. (If he were thirty, maybe not.) |
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'Some kind of Ferris Bueller' is quite possibly the best compliment I've ever recieved, but don't give me a pity croissant if the idea doesn't deserve one. |
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Pity? Ain't no stinking pity. It's youth! (I only wish I'd though of mentioning that I was only twelve when I first started here.) |
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Living in Australia and having fair-skinned children, I would buy this. [+] |
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No should have to think about cancer first thing in the morning. I don't think its the best way to start to your day. |
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