h a l f b a k e r ySugar and spice and unfettered insensibility.
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Pot Pie Stirrer
Gadget to mix the contents of a pot pie without disturbing the crust | |
When I microwave a frozen pot pie, I end up with a few patches that are boiling hot and a few patches that are not even warm. While I could lower the microwave power or simply bake the pie in an oven for a more equitable distribution of thermal energy, using the microwave at full blast is expedient,
as I want to prepare the pie quickly. On the other hand, I could stir the after cooking it, but this would destroy the pristine surface of the crust.
What I desire is a stirring device with an angled shaft, similar in function to the directional drilling apparatus used on oil rigs. The entire apparatus resembles a manual hand mixer. Instead of beaters, the device has an L-shaped stirring rod that is inserted into the pie through a small hole in the center. At the end of the stirring rod is a small whisk, which rotates around the axis of the rod at its terminal end (i.e., parallel to the table) and it powered by a hand crank. As the device is cranked, the whisk bit traces a circle around the bottom of the pie dish, while the whisk itself rotates, thoroughly mixing the pie constituents while leaving the crust intact. After sufficient stirring, the rod is carefully threaded back out through the crust (or clumsily yanked out, depending on how hungry I am).
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Annotation:
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Try opening the microwave door every twenty seconds, and then moving the pie to a different location and orientation, inside the oven. |
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//but this would destroy the pristine surface of the
crust// |
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Are you going to eat this thing, after you heat it? |
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We understand that the Buchanans keep a breeding colony of kitchen menials (Servitorius Buchanensis Domesticus) on one of their estates. If you ask [MB] nicely he might sell you a couple. |
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Sturton will certainly supply you free of charge, but you'll have to perform a number of obscene, degrading and depraved sexual acts with him, his Great-Aunt Morbidia, and Hounslow, her pet tapir. |
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Not having ever consumed a pot pie, I'm relatively
unfamiliar with their construction, but might you not
accomplish the same task by shaking it? Perhaps
place some sort of close-fitting cover over the top to
reinforce the crust, invert the pie, and agitate. |
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Assuming that the pie filling is viscous and
heterogenous as well as polytropic, the best
non-invasive agitation technique would
probaby be to subject the pie to a large
circumferential acceleration- generating
sufficicient shear force between the rapidly
moving crust and the inertially-damped gravy
lubricated contents to set up turbulence. |
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This "jerk" should be followed by a gentle
deceleration, the velocity profile being
represented by a sawtooth waveform with a
short rise time and a slow decay. |
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The main risk would appear to be
detachment of the top crust due to adhesion
failure at the top/side joint. This could be
addressed by rolling the edge. |
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The possibility of alternating the direction of
rotation at intervals should be considered. |
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Given the intense E-M field, pneumatic
actuators fabricated from plastic appear to
offer the best option for power, size, cost and
durability. |
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I like the idea of a steaming hot pie being spun up to
around 6000rpm before it is removed from the oven,
presumably with its internal contents still spinning at
high revolutions. |
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Thereafter, the would-be eater struggles to hold the
pie against its contents' gyroscopic effects before it
suffers some sort of catastrophic structural failure
and splatters everything within 30-40 feet with
boiling pie guts. |
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I inherited a set of pie funnels not so long ago and perhaps something like that is the answer if they're modified to have a key-type handle that extrudes from the side of the pie. |
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