h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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The tool to get you a chance at that postman's job? - simply a small metal tube whistle, pitched at a frequency outside human hearing but at an annoying frequency for dogs.
A small strip of contact superglue on the side allows you to surreptitiously fix this in some hard to see spot on your postman's
bicycle / scooter / van, as you engage them in some polite chitchat. As the adulterated delivery vehicle makes its rounds, dogs are alerted to the coming postman and make their preparations for ambush. Wait a few weeks until postman disappears on stress related leave, convinced that every dog in the world hates them.
Spend that time following behind your victim, giving cocktail sausages to all the dogs on the route until they view you as some kind of Cargo Cult God, like Prince Philip.
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Annotation:
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Isn't a federal offense to mess with the mail? |
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(Given that UPS is now offering mail boxes, I was thinking it is high time the US privatized the mail system.) |
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<pseudo-scientific nonsense>I thought this was going to collapse their wavefunctions, taking them irreveribly out of spacetime.<p-s n> |
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This sounds fun. However, you might have to wake up early to catch them. |
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