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You did what you had to do. Paid the bills, sent the kids to college, kept the wife happy, walked the dogs and put in above average performance at your job for 35 years. And those dreams you sacrificed and postponed...and now you realize that those won't happen now.
After death, take back your life
with our Posthumous Life Enhancement Service. We can fake any double life that you want your family to think that have you might have lead. We'll leave a fake Chinese and Russian passport taped to the inside of an air conditioning vent and make sure your wife finds it after your gone. Two weeks later, a beautiful blonde Ukrainian woman will hurriedly enter your home, and plead with her to get this package to one of your fake names on the passports. For an extra $1000 she'll say she's pregnant with your child before a prestaged gun battle happens in your cul-de sac and she escapes through a back window. Of course the FBI, police and government will know nothing about it and say you were never employed with them. Sure. Who was this dangerous man she and your kids never knew? With Posthumous Life Enhancement Service your family gets the best of both worlds, a great supportive stable husband in life and a vicious trained warrior fighting for international justice in death.
Posthumous life enhancement by the lds
http://www.huffingt...mas-m_n_197707.html
[leinypoo13, Sep 11 2012]
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Annotation:
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Precisely what I was hoping it would be. [+] |
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Needs options for mobster, presidential adviser,
billionaire philanthropist, and superhero/villain. |
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Can you arrange such a scenario for me, but the other way 'round? [+] |
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Right. Except one detail: "Posthumous Life" is an oxymoron. |
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Has there been another screeing of the Ipcress File on Tele again?
Bugger. Missed it. |
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Oops this was baked by Mormons. |
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I'd like two, possibly three Ukrainian women to arrive and fight about who I liked best. |
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Including some invented shadowy details would make
for a great funeral. |
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"Most of you never knew my father like I knew
him..." |
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Very sparse hints at a more exciting life can be useful. I once advised a woman who was going on a speed-dating evening to not tell people about the dull, administrative consultancy job she was doing for a government department, but instead just to say "I work for the Government" and then refuse to give any more details.
This idea also needs old, grey-faced men in black wool coats to come to your funeral, not talk to anyone else, and then be driven away in black limos by their armed bodyguards. |
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Ten thousand dollars in traveler's checks with a
cryptic note and a first class ticket to Brasilia. Obscure radio equipment. A square lump of play-doh
with wires (men in suits take it away) |
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I rather suspect people have existed of whom this would be true; imagine your survivors finding out what you really did all during those years of apparent mundanity. Most intriguing. |
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Yes. That would be the option where they find your old concentration camp guard uniform hidden in a box in the back of the basement.
I experienced something very like this, a few years ago, at the funeral of one of my aunts. It was a humanist ceremony and a succession of people that I had never met stood up in the pulpit to tell us about parts of her life, especially during WWII, about which I had had no inkling whatever. |
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I love this. I'm already planning my future former imaginary
double-life. [+] |
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