h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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Tennis is a posh sport for posh people. Posh people elect to send their children to fee-paying schools where they can be hit with sticks if they are naughty.
Allow the All England Club to act as a corporal punishment outsourcer for the stockbroker factories, and instead of a net on Centre Court, there's
a cordon of right-heighted p. s. p. s. es, in school uniform, peaked caps and all, each ready to accept his just desserts every time Del Potro double faults.
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This is an excellent idea, and I very much look forward to
understanding it. |
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It appears to be some sort of rant - or satire - but of an unusually high quality and sophistication ... |
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Sadly, however, it is notably deficient in the comprehensibility department. |
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If you are having trouble with the extended explanation, you may want to direct your attention to the idea title, which lays out the idea with what I am unashamed to say is admirable brevity. |
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As an aside, I will say that I feel blessed to have the first two annotations be a 1-2 from the halfbakery's own Waldorf and Statler. |
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Haha. So, whos arm is shoved up your backside to the elbow to work your lips, [cal] ? (We have so such disadvantage, being fully Animatronic.) |
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The problem is with the dimensions of the net. |
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Tennis nets must be installed to very precise specifications if they are to be used in international competition. |
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A notable aspect is that the centre of the net must be 914.4 mm above the surface of the court. A maximum width is also given. |
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Including the cap, the height of the p.b.'s must not exceed the given dimension, although presumably a selection of kneeling and standing elements could be used; alternatively a trench could be dug across the court in which they could stand. |
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This does not however address the width issue, nor the variation in height from head to shoulder. |
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Traditionally, it appears that the juvenile offspring of disadvantaged racial minorities have been preferred for such tasks, but clearly there is no reason for this revolting and unjustifiable favouritism to be continued. |
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//Waldorf and Statler// I see myself more as Tom, the
Swedish chef. |
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Very well done, [IT], since Swedish is a notoriously challenging language. |
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I'm flummoxed that you've acknowledged it as a language at
all, seeing as how it consists of nothing but funny foreign
sounds in a strange order. |
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//nothing but funny foreign sounds in a strange order.// |
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So, like any other language? |
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//Haha. So, whos arm is shoved up your backside to the
elbow to work your lips, [cal]?//
I am fully self-
fisting, an ouroboros of psychic control, if you will. |
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//The problem is with the dimensions of the
net.//
Yes, this is by far the most problematic
element of the idea of arraying small posh boys in a line
to risk being hit in the face with a yellow ball travelling
at 200kmh+. Happily, however, I have already come up
with the solution - an adaptation to Capability Brown's
Abraham Lincoln Spirit Level (qv) wherein the stovepipes
are replaced with prep school caps. I had also thought,
as you have sagely suggested, that a trench could be dug.
I am on board with this. It will encourage drop shots,
which will increase the chances of small posh boys getting
hit in the head not just with balls but with CFRP racquets,
this being a welcome change for them from cane on
buttocks. |
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//This does not however address the width issue, nor the
variation in height from head to shoulder.//
I think
that the introduction of crenels to the nets will (a)
increase the range of shot options and (b) give the All
England Club another formica layer of the footsy prestige
that it courts and markets. |
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For clarity, the idea is not intended as a means of
punishing small boys simply because they are posh. It is a
means by which naughty public school boys can diversify
the punishments that their parents have already signed
them up for. |
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For the pedants and keen legal minds, this idea was
composed in my head in 2018 but while I was imagining I
was living in the UK in 1997. Anyway, it might fly, as the
punishment is more of a lottery and current UK govts. are
keen on gambling. |
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