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Porcelain Photocopier

 Because internal paper jams make me want to cry.
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Made completely of something acid resistant. Porcelain should do it. When the annoying red "paper jam" light comes on, as inevitably happens with photocopiers, pour acid into the top of the thing, until the paper jam disolves, preferably with a puff of satisfying green smoke.

Granted, this idea may have drawbacks, but it must be better than pressing every button, semi dismantling the thing, putting it back together (badly), kicking it, and copying everything with a biro for the next 2 weeks.

—Fishrat, Oct 22 2003

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       what I want is Instant PhotoCopy Engineerman who flies through my (groundfloor) window, in a natty little costume and cloak and a mysterious mask + grin from ear to ear, the minute I need him! is that a WIBNI or what.
—po, Oct 22 2003
   

       [po] Acid Man?
—Fishrat, Oct 22 2003
   

       & his sidekick Litmus girl
—po, Oct 22 2003
   

       Mild mannered Timothy Leary by day, ACID MAN by night, or by afternoon anyway.   

       Perhaps all you'd need is a plunger.
—Worldgineer, Oct 22 2003
   

       you should be able to put it into reverse mode, so that it unblocks itself.
—po, Oct 22 2003
   

       I prefer to kick my copier. Porcelain is too fragile.
—k_sra, Oct 22 2003
   

       [k_sra] Kick away, angry k... it's therapy, don't you know? [po] In my experience of three (hundred) point turns, going into reverse when things get tricky can be a serious mistake.
—Fishrat, Oct 23 2003
   

       silly, fishrat. my shredder will reverse and its messy but useful.
—po, Oct 23 2003
   

       As an ex-Xerox employee I became rather skilled at paper jams. It always tugged at my sense of exploration to find where the paper was stuck this time. I would probably pay to play a paper-jam console game if one existed ...   

       However coming back to your idea, acid would probably be too dangerous. I would recommend two alternatives to sharpen up this idea.
- One would be print on rice paper and supply an appetite enhancer so famished employees would be rewarded by a tasty snake of jammed rice paper.
- The other would be to print on something soluable, such as soap, so water could clear any blockage on a water-proofed copier.
—Aristotle, Oct 23 2003
   

       rice paper and jam sandwich mmm
—po, Oct 23 2003
   

       <Off subject> When I was learning to drive some years ago my driving instructor told me that they (the instructors) were no longer allowed to use the phrase "three point turn" in case it gave those drivers who turn like [Fishrat] an inferiority complex. They had to call it "turning in the road using forward and reverse gears".   

       I like the flushing photocopier idea. Incedentally, is it wierd that I love the smell of the warm paper that comes out of a copier? Everyone else seems to hate it.
—squeak, Oct 23 2003
   

       //tasty snake of jammed rice paper//   

       You shouldn't have put the snake in there in the first place!
—k_sra, Oct 23 2003
   

       pity the photocopier cannot be programmed to make origami art out of those concertina-ed pieces
—po, Oct 23 2003
   

       <OT>Mmmmmm....fresh photo-copier paper. Reminds me of fresh jacket potatos. Always nice and warm in the winter too </OT>
—silverstormer, Oct 23 2003
   

       It stikes me that photocopiers would double as brilliant fresh pasta makers.
—Fishrat, Oct 24 2003
   

       While this idea purports to be about "paper jams", how is it that no one has conjectured that perhaps the author has spent too many moments with his/her ass pressed against the photocopier glass, and only then noticed that the lifted lid resembled another more familiar porcelain bathroom fixture? Did I miss the funny part Again?
—jurist, Oct 24 2003
   

       //me and my fried sitting here have just confirmed that we like it too.// a frodoian slip? I'm fried and so am I?
—Zimmy, Oct 24 2003
   

       [skipper]   

       fishes and loaves?   

       fishes and loaves?   

       fishes and loaves?
—Fishrat, Oct 24 2003
   

       are they copies?
—po, Oct 24 2003
   

       Next thing you know we'll have the GM-Custard, Auto-stapling, Anti-Gravity inducing, Mmmm...smells fresh, Cloning Photocopier.
—silverstormer, Oct 24 2003
   

       [Jurist] Despite the vague smell of sindged hair hanging about my person, I'm ignoring your comments. [silverstormer] I knew I should have copywritten my GM-Custard, Auto-stapling, Anti-Gravity inducing photocoppier idea. Does yours come with a panic pin for when the office bully is trying to force you to copy your work for them?
—Fishrat, Oct 27 2003
   

       what did you do to get sindged hair. one of the seven deadly sinds?
—po, Oct 27 2003
   

       [Jurist] was suggesting that I had mistaken my porcelain photocopier for a bathroom fixture. Which might well be the 8th deadly sin. Mind you - I don't actually know anyone who has photocopied their ass. Does it really happen?
—Fishrat, Oct 28 2003
   

       Yes.
—bristolz, Oct 28 2003
   

       Oh yes. Friends of mine, of course, not me. (_Y_)
—lintkeeper2, Oct 28 2003
   

       I photocopied my mule once.
—lostdog, Oct 28 2003
   

       Do zebra have the same problem? There are obvious advantages to their black and whiteness.
—Fishrat, Oct 29 2003
   

       I don't care about jams. I have that "magic touch" and can clear them with ease-- but what I do like is the idea of a copier made of a pleasing material, it'd be so much more pleasing to use!
—futurebird, Dec 08 2003
   

       Jelly? Wool? Leather?
—Fishrat, Dec 08 2003
   

       Banana peel.
—phundug, Dec 09 2003
   
      
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