h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Ever on the lookout for new ways to exploit the fluffy
explosiveness that is popcorn, MaxCo is proud to announce
PopToast.
The PopToast loaf looks much like any other sliced white
bread, apart from the large "PopToast!" logo on the
wrapper.
However, baked into the loaf are numerable popcorn
kernels. The kernels have been treated with a harmless*
edible lacquer, ensuring that they remain crispy-dry even
as they are mixed with the gloopy dough. The baking of
the loaf is carried out below 180°C, sufficient to prevent
premature popping of the kernels.
Simply place a slice of PopToast in your toaster and -
Gadulka! - as the toast browns, the embedded kernels pop,
leaving you with a popcorn-studded, fully 3-dimensional
butter-retaining slice full of nature's goodness.
*this lacquer has been shown not to cause pituitary tumours
in cephalopods.
[link]
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//this lacquer has been shown not to cause pituitary tumours in cephalopods//
As your attorney, I recommend this is is amended to
//this lacquer has not been shown to cause pituitary tumours in cephalopods// |
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//this lacquer has not been shown to cause pituitary
tumours in cephalopods// |
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this lacquer has not been conclusively and irrevocably
shown to inevitably cause pituitary tumours in all
cephalopods* |
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I can see difficulty in removing the newly expanded
PopToast from the toaster without electrocuting one's self.
If only there was some sort of non-conducting, pasta-based
cutlery developed to help people pry stuck toast from
toasters. |
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//this lacquer has not been shown to cause pituitary tumours in cephalopods//
or, just to be safe:
//products other than this lacquer have been shown to cause pituitary tumours in cephalopods// |
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Our Tactical Foods Division did. The corn goes soggy
in the dough, and goes fft rather than pop. |
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There are rice cakes with popcorn flavor... |
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Oddly, BorgCo's Offensive Nutrition Research Unit investigated a
very similar product at one time. |
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Unfortunately, the 'pop' aspect of the product was emphasised
rather more than other aspects in the Requirements
Specification. |
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Even now, birds avoid the former test site, and it's becoming
clear that the vegetation isn't ever going to grow back, despite
the new topsoil and the reseeding. |
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//this lacquer has been shown not to cause pituitary tumours in cephalopods.// |
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Oh well, back to the drawing board. |
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Did a quick web search and you're in luck. The market for popcorn laced toast is wide open. [+] |
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Although that is true I have had numerous breads with full kernels of various seeds lodged inside of them. This so called whole grain bread did not pop however. |
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Is it possible that (a) the grains in question were not
popcorn kernels and/or (b) that they had not been
lovingly protected with a non-cephalopod-pituitary-
tumour-causing lacquer before being mixed into the
wet dough? |
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I doubt they were unpopped popcorn kernels because they were not horrendously damaging to the teeth. |
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Hey, what keeps the popcorn from popping while the bread is being baked in the bread oven, even before it gets sliced and packaged for heating in a toaster? |
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//what keeps the popcorn from popping while the
bread is being baked // |
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I concealed the answer to this in the idea itself: |
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// The baking of the loaf is carried out below 180°C,
sufficient to prevent premature popping of the
kernels.// |
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Ok, I missed that (stopped reading when thought of the problem). However, a new problem: Baking almost certainly will take a longer time at only 180C. The popcorn kernels could dry out, and become useless for popping. |
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Most recipes call for an oven at 180-200°C, and
several sites suggest that the internal temperature
of baked bread should reach about 100°C. Our
proprietary non-cephalopod-pituitary- tumour-
causing lacquer should prevent the kernels from
drying out. |
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