h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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In northern regions, and I presume, in Antarctica, burial
of
the dead presents a problem. The ground is either
permanently frozen or made of solid ice.
There is an old (somewhat tasteless) joke which
suggested
the solution of 'sharpening the heads of frozen corpses
and
pounding them
into the ground.' Crude and irreverant, at
best.
I would like to introduce the Polar Burial Helmet. The
PBH
fits on the head of the deceased just like any helmet. It's
beauty lies in its shape and material. Made of harder-
than-
permafrost metal alloys (tungsten carbide-{WC}), and
shaped to a pointed 'drill bit' shape on top, the families of
persons of the
past tense persuasion can easily put their lost loved ones
to a dignified
rest.
(Comes with a pair of WC boots, to withstand the blows
of
the funeral sledge.)
Tallboy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tallboy_bomb
They don't make 'em like that any more (sadly). [8th of 7, Oct 18 2010]
Strikers!
http://www.youtube....watch?v=mwy2_09M3Bw
[Grogster, Oct 18 2010]
Tragic prototype misadventure results in death - third picture down
http://godheadv.blo...ned-on-everest.html
Followed by gruesome images of frostbite and decaying bodies of climbers who died on Everest - interesting but if you are bothered by such things do not scroll past the third picture [normzone, Oct 22 2010]
[link]
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Does not go far enough. The helmet should have a rotating
drill bit. Funerals would involve a derrick and gravediggers
would need oil rig experience |
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Good suggestion, [mouse], I imagine a battery pack would do the trick... bun. [+] |
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[mouse] Are people in warm climes buried with
heavy construction equipment, cranes, explosives,
etc? No. This is a burial, not an excavation or
tunnel building. |
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//Does not go far enough.// |
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6 feet, or so, is sufficient, I believe. |
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I'm fine with the addition of a passive 'drill bit'
quality to the helmet. Good idea, and I thank you.
[edit] |
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But, please, a little respect for the Pounding
Ceremony. |
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//Are people in warm climes buried with heavy construction
equipmen// Yes, but the backhoe is usually gone before the
burial ceremony. |
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[mouse] I knew that, but you said //Funerals would
involve a derrick// Not my idea of a nice funeral.
Manual sledge hammers only, if you please. |
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Any old blacksmith would be proud to name his own striker before he passes on... In fact, a blacksmith can have as many as SIX strikers (but they better be REALLY experienced to avoid hitting each others hammers). I've seen it done many times and it is a wonder to behold. |
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[Grog] I'm not sure I'm getting the picture you are
describing...Maybe multiple 'strikers' all pounding
something (in the case of my idea here, the feet of
the deceased) in a choreographed sequence? If so,
that is exactly what I had in mind. |
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How about a thermite-based helmet, or an electrically-
heated one? The deceased could be stood on its head, and
the audience could stand around, contemplatively, whilst
the body slowly sunk into the ground, surrounded by an eerie
mist. |
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that [DrBob] said about what [Max] said. |
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//the audience could stand around,
contemplatively// |
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And doing what with their funeral sledges? This does
sound good, otherwise. I guess the sledges are
ceremonial, after all... |
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Should get a bun from [8th of 7] soon... |
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[Boomer], when a blacksmith pulls iron out of the fire, he has a short amount of time to beat the daylights out of it before it is too cold to hit. He may also have one or more extra strikers with sledges to help pound the iron. The blacksmith sets both the pace and where he wants it hit with his own hammer. The more strikers you have, the faster you get done, but they need to be coordinated or they will crash into each other. |
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The smell of thermite attracted us to this idea ... |
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But the quantities required to melt deep into permafrost would technically make this cremation rather that internment. |
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Plan B: gravitational penetrator, a la "Tallboy" (Barnes Wallis, obligatory chant of "we are not worthy !") |
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OK, we could go with microwaves. And, while we're about it,
may as well put it in the shoes rather than the hat, and let
the guy depart in an upright position. |
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On the other hand, I am barging in on [Boomer]'s idea.
Apologies. |
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Never apologise, never explain ... |
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Hey, you haven't led my life. |
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//microwaves// for a self-burying (in the ice) coffin ? |
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//Hey, you haven't led my life.// How can you tell? |
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I guess it would be a good idea to have this helmet be able (at least in the burial-in-ice situation) to continue excavating its way downward, saving the community from the necessity of re-burying their friends and relatives every few years when local, regional or global warming exhumes them. |
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[Grog] Great link! Just imagine the emotional effect
of 5 or 6 mourning relatives hitting Grandpa's feet in
a cadence like that. (Naturally, I'm only half kidding.) |
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[Max] //I am barging in on [Boomer]'s idea.
Apologies.// |
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Not at all. You must be half kidding, as well. Barge
away! How about a song before you go? Just one? |
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[MaxwellBuchanan] pats his pockets. |
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Damn. I seem to have forgotten to bring my piano. Next
time. |
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<[Boomershine] pats his pockets.> |
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Damn. I seem to have forgotten my pants. |
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<[Boomershine] pats [MaxwellBuchanan]'s pockets> |
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"Hey, is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me ... oh." |
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<[Boomershine] pats [MaxwellBuchanan]'s pockets> |
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No, [Boomershine] does not. |
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Isn't denial a wonderful thing? |
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I'd have taken de Amazon to get me out of that one. |
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At least your not in Seine. |
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Oh, there you are [Max]! Way up there...<less
chance of pocket-checking jokes down here.> |
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Really? Despite the scandal? Brave of you. |
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The only bad publicity is no publicity. |
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If this thing were self-powered, whether by heat or by screw, is there not a danger that it would eventually come out on the other side? |
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Of the ground or of the uncle? |
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//If this thing were self-powered, whether by heat or
by screw, is there not a danger that it would
eventually come out on the other side?// |
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Yes, of course, there is just such danger, which is
why I only recommend using manual funeral sledges. |
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// in the shoes rather than the hat, and let the guy depart in an upright position. // |
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For military funerals, the embalmers will of course see to it that the deceased is at attention and saluting. The regimental bugler plays "Taps" as the departed sinks slowly into the tundra. |
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If you're willing to change venue -- an active volcano, say, or
the Marianas Trench, then you don't need the special
equipment. Unlike derricks <sulks> burial at sea has the
sanction of tradition. |
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