h a l f b a k e r yTastes richer, less filling.
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In Xanadu did Jutta Khan
A pastry pleasure-dome decree :
Where Alf, the sacred baker, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to the halfbakery.
So half five miles of fertile ground
With categories girdled round :
And there were annotations bright,
Where
blossomed much half-baked theory ;
And here was Sealy, ancient as the hills,
Shouting Baked! aloft a cynics eyrie
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down that doughy icon athwart a flaky cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a bakers moon was haunted
By a woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this bread in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty brainstorm momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail :
And 'mid these prancing dolts and flakes
It flung up momently the sacred cakes.
Five miles meandering with a mazy annotation
Through wit and pun the sacred baker ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ration
And 'mid this tumult jutta heard from far
Newbie voices prophesying war!
The shadow of the HB dome
Floated oer the bakers cousin
Where was contrived the adopted home
Of many a bold half-bakers dozen
It was a miracle of rare device:
A sunny pastry-dome with caves of vice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw :
It was a blissmissinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of the halfbakery
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and HB song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! Those caves of vice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
Their flashing wit and pedantic air!
Weave a circle round them thrice,
And close your eyes with holy bread,
For they on half baked dough hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
For comparison
http://eserver.org/poetry/kubla-khan.html [angel, Jan 30 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[link]
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Dylan Thomas next please, he's Welsh |
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[jutta], [PeterSealy] and [blissmiss] are the only ones mentioned. I'm not entirely certain that's adequate. |
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Where can I find these "caves of vice"? |
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You are an angry man GTR. |
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*SIGH* Looks like the person from Porlock's here. (Coleridge deletes Porlock's user account and restores entire poem from backup tapes.) |
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Applause, goff. Nicely done. |
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I've just about had enough of dear Georgie here. |
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Croissants and plaudits all round goff. I want to give this two or three bready breakfast buns, but you shall have to settle for one! |
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[GTR] it's like this - you see this category is ideas for a Half-bakery song (and also poems as you will note, and no I don't think we should make jutta create another category just for poems). Therefore, I have put up my idea for a half-bakery poem (inspired, I must say, by UnaBubba's post on ...ooh I can't remember now...).
You really don't get it do you?
(And you're right, I am very clever, thanks for noticing)
[pottedstu] Well spotted.. correction in the post, as it were... |
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Would you look at that... he's outdone himself. |
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Just when we thought UnaBubba was out, goff pulled him back in. |
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Nice work UB. And goff too, t'was a poem of outstanding merit. |
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I think the point is made; everyone but GTT will get it. |
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Damn Damn Damn Damn and Damn - Wow |
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hi Star, have you renamed him GT T? oh dear I am slow today. well done. |
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UB, the rest of us might as well just turn off our keyboards now. I can't imagine any of us outdoing what [goff] and you have managed to fit to verse. Well done...Very well done. |
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[StaChaser] Very good (I am assuming I have red you correctly and that the T refers to another small garden bird whose name also means something else).
However, I have looked up my book of British Birds and I'm afraid their is no 'Small-Brained Tit'. Guess the anology will just have to remain less than perfect... |
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inspired. Simply inspired. |
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I have eaten
the half croissant
that was on
your website |
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and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast |
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Forgive me
I threw up on your rug
It was so stale
and fungal |
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And Wiliam Carlos Williams chimes in for those of us who enjoy poetry in the open form as well...Thanks for the plum of a parody, [pottedstu] |
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[George the Robin] If you were clever, you'd get of your medium sized horse, and write a response here in verse. I think the gauntlet has been sufficiently laid down. |
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Goff, remember I'm not British. 'Troll' is the acronym alteration. |
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"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting:
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! Quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Robin, "Nevermore." |
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Take thy head from out thy arse, and darken not the 'bakery door!" |
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this sure aint Wordsworth - but its a UB classic. |
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A chance to add my latest dit |
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No hint of fun or endless wit |
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I love this place, You'd all agree |
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Vote for me? my edless plea! |
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Does it suck or is it cool |
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or fishbone that persistant fool |
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We're all just looking for a vote |
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so here i'll end on that happy note |
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Don't dismiss the strange idea |
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cos in the end.... that's why we're here??!!! |
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wish I could do one of those clever ((((((clap)))))) things! |
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//Tell me how The Cheating Game will make the world a better place,
//Quoth the trollster, "Shutcha face." |
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I didn't think it'd be possible to improve on a classic like The Raven (half of the reason why I didn't even try). OK, so Poe probably wouldn't approve (even if Po does), but once again you've outdone yourself UB. Do you think he'll get the point yet? |
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Giz: I think you're so truly absolutely
supercalfrajalisticexpialidoshus.... |
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pedant alert, spelling - arora;
Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious |
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tsk tsk Mary Po/pinns, it's "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" - no consecutive l's. |
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Typical. I finally come up with an idea that gets universal praise, and UB steals my thunder again. Bugger!!
[StarChaser] Obviously I am far too parochial. I just liked the small bird analogy. Obviously you are the one who invented it, but I can't help thinking to myself every time I see GTT that George really is a complete tit (even if he is a Troll as well) |
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Well, to be the inspiration for greatness, there's a thing. |
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Imitation is the sincerest form of flattening ones ego |
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Well everyone else was eulagising about your contributions, UB, so I thought it deserved the adjective.
Lithium-ion is the sincerest form of battery |
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I guess I missed most of the GTR thing (good for me). It certainly appears that GTR has served as a puissant muse for poetic efforts. |
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Please, GTR is not Georgie. |
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fret not Georgie, or is it georgie (now he was a head case!- only kidding) |
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Well, this all seems a bit one sided, so in the spirit of a good tussle I'm hoping George is composing a response. But in the meantime, in an effort to set the mood of the calm before the storm.... |
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George, feeling his brain slip,
Finds his every feather the fossil of a murder. |
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Who murdered all these?
These living dead, that root in his nerves and his blood
Till he is visibly black? |
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How can he fly from his feathers?
And why have they homed on him? |
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Is he the archive of their accusations?
Or their ghostly purpose, their pining vengeance?
Or their unforgiven prisoner? |
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His prison is the earth. Clothed in his conviction,
Trying to remember his crimes |
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....until.....<<<kettle drums>>>..... |
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THE SHAVEN
by Amos Allan Kito
Half a poem. Apologies to E.A.Poe and everybody else :-) |
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Once upon a time, my dearies, I returned to check the theories That I had submitted to half-bakery the night before.
While perusing my collection, Came the sound of cat ejection Launching yet another feline into Northern Singapore.
Only this, and then two more.
It was with determination That I typed my ruminations,
My remaining brain cells dripping, Dripping in an open drawer.
Theyd enjoy my entries now I thought, This time fer shore.
So I felt a new elation Til I read the annotation Too insipid, we despise it. And you misspelled pompadour.
Only fish, and nothing more. |
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It was causing mucho tension to come up with some invention.
I began perchance to dream and then began, perchance, to snore.
In an hour of fitful naption, rose an aerial contraption,
Alternately filling and deflating bags of gaseous spore.
I awoke, to type some more.
Ozone Piper, Neutron Diaper, Cattle Gripper, Auto-Zipper,
All were great ideas so the plus did I hope for.
But I found that I was doomed when a member, nicely groomed,
Went and dropped another loathsome sign of minus at my door. |
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Quoth the Shaven, Albacore. |
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Though my room is dark and murky,
I troll not, nor do I lurky.
Why then does it seem I never ever get a decent score?
Quoth the Shaven, Albacore. |
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Lost within my heated fever, I was busy as a beaver.
Tapping, pounding out inventions made my metacarpals sore.
Cactus Glider, Pimple Hider, Poodle Cutter, Belly Butter.
Also an idea to protect a Spanish matador.
But I looked to count the cost, and found another Teleost;
The dried-up little bony icon frequently Id seen before. |
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Only fish, and nothing more. |
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Yet in time upon my brisket, half a slice of crusty biscuit,
Suddenly appeared, and glowed, and cast my shadow on the floor.
Feeling I was kind of starving, I got up and started carving
On the bread, and got a slice of lemon
wanna know what for?
Quoth the Shaven,
Albacore. |
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Bravo. This should be compulsory reading for all potential halfbakers. |
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Here's GeorgeTheRobin's annos (retrieved from the wayback machine), to help put the other annos in context: |
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Wheres the idea in this? This is a forum for ideas in case you didnt realise. Please read the HELP section in future. [marked-for-deleti*n] reason - not an idea. |
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GeorgeTheRobin, Jan 30 2002 |
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"redundant - a very similar idea already exists on the halfbakery" this is a direct quote from the help page saying why an "idea" should be marked for deletion. There are a number of witty/psuedo intellectual word plays already on here , lets get back to something original thanks.
[later] note i didnt fishbone this idea , i think its a good poem etc and SO clever of you to come up with this , however according to the help section this is just the wrong place to put it. |
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GeorgeTheRobin, Jan 30 2002 |
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Loved Amos' take on The Raven. Hadn't seen it before. |
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