h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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The Personal Paparazzi Punishment Pendant (PPPP) is a device similar to a pet shock collar, designed to deliver a series of adjustably excrutiating (but clinically harmless) electrical shocks to its wearer, and activated by camera flashes.
The celebrity who truly wishes to make a statement about paparazzi
(and who doesn't mind some degree of personal sacrifice) announces publicly that he or she will be sporting this device at all times. Photographers who take pictures of a celebrity sporting a PPPP will thus have to market pictures of their anguished targets squirming in the throes of elecroshock torture, and any periodical buying their pictures will have the onus of financing willful torture. PPPP's web site will feature a list of all photographers and magazines involved in such activity.
Note that this device might arouse more sympathy when worn by smallish and/or sympathetic celebrities (e.g. Keira Knightly, Gwyneth Paltrow, Emmanuel Lewis) than more unlikeable and/or massive individuals (e.g. Barry Bonds, Tom Cruise, Rush Limbaugh).
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As a photographer, I've learned to edit my work and not let my models see ANYTHING that's less than totally flattering. |
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But there is a market for this kind of image, and the National Enquirer and similar rags use unflattering images all the time. |
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How about an Asinine Alliteration Atrocity Assplug? |
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Wouldn't the photo be taken before the wearer has time to react? |
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Outside the US, //AAAA// is beautifully recursive. |
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[jutta] Only the first few shots would be taken before the celebrity reacts to PPPP shock. Subsequent photos would depict the result of paparazzi-inflicted torture-- and part of the reason celebrities hate packs of photographers is that they generally take hundreds of shots in a short amount of time. Also, I'm not at all certain if the PPPP can, or should, be retrofitted for anal use :-) |
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[DrCurry] Well, yes, willfully electrocuting oneself to stymie aggressive photographers is pretty stupid. Then again, so is laying down in front of a moving tank, engaging in a hunger strike, self-immolation, or sitting perfectly still while somebody beats you with a stick-- yet these are time-honored methods of passive resistance. |
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'cause electrical resistance is futile. |
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Sonic: lying down in front of tanks is the only way some people can get attention. Celebrities have only to flutter their eyelids to get attention, no self-inflicted pain necessary. And look where crashing into a pillar got Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed - we didn't see any let up at all in paparazzi after that little display of self-immolation. |
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If said celeb. wore a large slave flash, it could be used to reduce the quality, by introducing a large vertical white line into every flash-assisted photo. |
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If the paparazzi should try to take photo's without a flash the celeb. should only venture out at night, and get back home before dawn, just like vampires. |
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I like that better. You could form long lines of celebrities and use trained paparazzis for communication across large distances. |
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Mexican wave style. Of course, to keep [SonicAtrocities] happy, the wire to the flash could also be connected to the celeb. |
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Any celeb wearing that collar will have 10 year olds running after him/her with one time cams. new magazines would open, sadist fetish celeb sites, just for the purpose. |
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I would personally buy a huge poster of ben afleck being tortured any day. |
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mmmmm sadist fetish celeb sites... |
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If celebs are going to announce they're wearing this thing, passing paparazzi will be covered in spittle before they get a chance to do anything. Bit of a result all round :D |
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Although a slave flash worn by the subject might work better, the sheer stupidity of this idea makes it attractive. |
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//You could form long lines of celebrities and use trained paparazzis for communication across large distances.//
I fear that this wouldn't work as the celebrities would inevitably crowd towards the paparazzi. You would only be able to see the signal by standing on a tall building or hill and using a strong pair of binoculars. Unless you chained each celebrity to an iron post, of course. |
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Sharon Stone could use a slave flash in a special place, for those getting-out-of-car moments. |
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