h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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PermaPet
Bespoke pets guaranteed to last longer than normal, on average. | |
People get attached to their pets
They can often get quite upset when they wear out
But we here at PermaPet have the solution to their woes
A pet inoculated against tissue rejection in the womb (see
attached link for details of our proprietary technique) with
one
of our lines of organ
replacement bunnies (for cats) or sheep
(for dogs) providing you with a ready supply of organs &
tissue
to help your vet extend fluffy's life expectancy indefinitely*
Stem cell injections to stimulate new brain tissue growth
when
your pet begins to exhibit signs of mental decay available for
an additional charge
Short of instant death resulting from massive head trauma
reducing the brain to jelly your pet can expect a far longer
(happier is up to you) life by your side than any normal
animal
of its species.
OK, so your pet won't really live forever but we'll do our
damnedest to make sure it lives as long as we possibly can.
After all, it's about the only damn way we're ever going to
get
enough widespread acceptance of the technique to ever see
it's use in humans & that's where the real money's going to
be.
Brought to you by Skewed Inc in partnership with Sixth day
Industries, a wholly owned subsidiary of Imfinidum
Enterprises
*If they'll buy Savanah cats they'll buy these, the pet hybrid
wild
cat & domestic fox industry (etc) would make a good test
market, after all, the buggers buying those are already
willing to
spend
obscene amounts of money on a pet, often sight unseen,
seeing as its egg sometimes hasn't even been ovulated yet.
Well, it's one way to make some money out of the proof of
concept process.
Early foetal human / animal organ transplant inoculations
Early_20foetal_20hu...lant_20inoculations
[Skewed, Mar 06 2021]
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So, the idea is xenotransplants for pets, with the linked idea
being a way to reduce tissue rejection rates? |
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[Waggles hand side to side] |
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The real idea is to sneak acceptance of the method into
peoples lives by building familiarity & trust of it under the
guise of pet care. |
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The subsidiary idea is to actually get paid for doing the pre
human trial product testing ;D |
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The end goal is of course eradicating tissue rejection for
xenotransplants in humans (the linked idea) but keep that
under your hat we
don't want to alarm the overtly religious & suchlike. |
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{Notes an absence of hat] |
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[Proffers a battered trilby] |
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My hat is not on my head, but is properly secured. You are
advised not to look under it without following the usual safety
protocols. |
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This doesn't involve anything silly like dancing widdershins
around it in your underdraw's does it? |
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Cos the weather's a
touch chilly still. |
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I've always preferred dancing widdershins in
my
own draws anyway. |
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My elderly father, who passed away a couple months ago,
lived by himself and was, naturally, lonely as his world
became more isolated. A few years prior I suggested that
he
get a dog for company. |
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He fired up a bit and said 'No, I've outlived too many dogs
over the years - it just hurts too much'. He had a peculiar
mix of amusement and pissed-off-ed-ness on his face
when I
cheerfully suggested "You never know Dad, this one might
be
the one!" |
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Turns out, I might have been right :( |
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(I still think it was funny though) |
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It was, dark humour often works well (both as funny & to pull
people out of a down) if delivered in the
right way & with sufficient tongue in cheek :) |
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