Pencil Sharpener Sharpener

Solutions for sharpening pencils are numerous. The quality, appearance and capabilities of these devices vary dramatically but in the end they all attempt to do the same thing and generally do this through the inclusion of a small, steel blade attached to the body of the device by the means of a small screw.

I recently invested heavily in pencil sharpener called the Kum As2M Two Hole Automatic Long Point Pencil. Despite sounding increasingly, with each word, like the title of a pornographic movie, this is a fine product and has brought similarly fine points to nearly all of the pencils I live with (the exceptions being those the children have thrown repeatedly to the stone floor, whose leaden corridor has been reduced to a series of small carriages).

Whilst I am currently enjoying its sharpening finesse, I am a worrier by nature and so have already foreseen the point in the future where its abilities recede, my nibs become dull, the wood becomes torn rather than neatly milled and I am left caressing what once was. No doubt I will then toss this conglomerate of plastic and steel into the dustbin without so much of a second thought to its years of loyal service, without so much as wiping the graphite from its tender plastic orifices.

But why should my Kum be thrown so casually to the trash? Could not it be sharpened and honed like a chef would sharpen and hone his knives? Could not this be done in situ, with some kind of pencil shaped sharpening device?

Surely all one would need is a block of stone, like a whetstone, only in the form of a pencil, so that it can be inserted into the sharpener and turned earnestly to restore any pencil sharpener to its youth? Then I could sleep peacefully knowing the perpetual future my Kum As2M could look forward to. This is the kind of future I think we all deserve to experience.