h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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And his nemeses, Pencil Man puts lead in his pencil once aroused? |
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Quick! To the Pen Man Ship! |
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His arch-something-or-other, Post Man, who became capable of putting things through holes and gaps, after being given a magic bag. |
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And not forgetting, his sidekick Paperboy - a boy made almost entirely of paper (his brain remains non-paporal, but is tightly wrapped in protective layers of newspaper, with a little salt and vinegar added to deter birds) |
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pen woman who experiences pain when her pen disappears - grrrr. |
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... and is the cause of Pen Man's pain. Whose pen is it? |
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Is he mightier than Sword Man? |
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If he hangs around my counter someone will pick him up. |
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Wait a minute. I've just realized this is some sort of sadistic writing implement distribution scheme, isn't it? |
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Mightn't he be cum bic ergo propter bic man (in disguise), who actually experiences pain when he eats other people's biros? |
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Pen Man is me. I am Pen Man. I found my special power (and therefore also my special purpose) this Saturday past. I was playing Wii Tennis and standing in a position, relative to the walls of my home, that could arguably be described as less than optimal, at least from a health and safety point of view. While performing a particularly devastating and, needless to say point-winning, cross-court back hand half-volley, I smashed my Wii-ing hand (my right) into the wood-pannelled section of wall that surrounds the charming bay window of my home's drawing room. The impact was such that an expletive burst forth from my mouth and, at the same time, a pen - a rather nice Mitusibishi Pencil Co UniBall eye pen - was ejaculated from some as yet undetermined orifice on my person, following a comely arc down to the carpet, where it lay, astonishing all onlookers nearly as much as did the grace and power of my aforementioned cross-court back hand half-volley. |
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And so it was that I realised that my duty henceforth was to become Pen Man, and to Fight Crime, by means of making pens appear every time I am in pain. To this end, I am recruiting for a squat, yet strangely effete sidecick, yet to be named, who will aid me in my duty, by means of a carefully-timed salvo of kidney-punches. Volunteers please. Interviews will be conducted on a competence-evidence basis. |
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His mission is to stop the evil Dr Tipp-ex from reducing literacy rates and encouraging more spelling errors by getting kids high on thinners. |
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If there there was a second such writing
instrument, would the prior one be called
the penultimate? |
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"...and Highlighter Boy!" |
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// To this end, I am recruiting for a squat, yet strangely effete sidecick, yet to be named, who will aid me in my duty, by means of a carefully-timed salvo of kidney-punches.// |
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By the way, I'm recruiting for a business partner who's interested in running a pen shop... |
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