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Pedestrian Tapper
For when you want to tap a pedestrian with your car, but your car's just too heavy | |
Pedestrians are a lot like the pawns in chess. Ironically, it is the pawns' weakness which enables them to threaten Kings and Queens with such impudence. They can attack anything simply because they are so weak that it isn't worth the sacrifice of the great piece to get rid of them.
Pedestrians,
relying on their frailty, have similarly developed such courage around automobiles that they now don't care where the heck they walk, or how slowly. They know drivers can't afford to touch them.
Until now. The Pedestrian Tapper is a huge feather duster attached to the front of your car. You control it from inside your car: It can extend outwards up to 6 feet and retract again so it's flush against the front of your car. It's deep and feathery that it can't hurt anyone and will in fact feel very soft to the touch. However, it will also be quite sooty after awhile (especially if you drive in the city) and this will be distinctly unpleasant for the pedestrian you use it on.
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This will no doubt increase incidents of "pedestrian rage"+ |
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This would be more effective than blasting one's horn at pedestrians while waiting at a crosswalk. My preferred method is to turn around the washer fluid nozzles and give them a blast of bug wash. |
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I bunned this becuase I see way too many cars with "wash me" enscribed in dust on the back window. All sorts of symbiotic automotive relationships can be formed with this device. |
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