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Pedant's Phone

 Automatically makes the caller perfectly literate.
 
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(prompted by an annotation in "new ideas via concatenation")

To 1/2 bowl of existing phone software, add:
1/2 gallon speech-recognition,
1 1/2 kg next-generation grammar-correction,
2 1/2 units of software to decipher and re-constitute voice timbre.

Mix well, bake for half a day at one-half degree (Celsius or Fahrenheit, it doesn't matter which). Slice into halves and serve with a demitasse of half-and-half.

Now whenever the pedant's friends call, they will all sound like perfect masters of the language. Software is not required for outgoing calls, since this is, after all, a pedant's phone.

—beauxeault, May 14 2001

[link]






       ....do pedants really have friends......????? ;-)
—Susen, May 15 2001
   

       Good catch, Susen!   

       UB, thanks for spotting the typo (on Fahrenheit). Phone is an accepted spelling without the apostrophe, though.
—beauxeault, May 15 2001
   

       Can I sound like Daniel Pinkwater? Then I'm all for it. My highschool english teacher will be so proud...   

       (sirrobin and others not tuned to the USians Nation Public Radio: Daniel Pinkwater is a humorous author-fellow with impeccable grammar.)
—Dog Ed, May 15 2001
   

       Believe it or not, despite not being USAsian, I have heard of Mr Pinkwater.
—sirrobin, May 17 2001
   

       sirrobin and UnaBubba (and everyone else): sorry, didn't mean to insult your polycultural sophistication. I wasn't sure how global Mr. Pinkwater had become.
—Dog Ed, May 17 2001
   

       Actually.... I think you'll find.... As a matter of fact... To hell with the pedantry! Why can't they just put up with grammatical errors etc like the rest of us? I mean... RANT FILTER ON. Sorry, nearly lost it there.
—Ivy, May 17 2001
   

       <HBpedant> "Knucklebutt" </HBpedant>
—absterge, May 17 2001
   

       Not only had I not heard of Daniel Pinkwater until yesterday (although I figured him out from the context), I hadn't heard of NPR until just now. Radio station, I guess. Context = [missing].
—angel, May 17 2001
   
      
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