h a l f b a k e r yReplace "light" with "sausages" and this may work...
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"Stationa/ery cupboard" (for motionless stationery cupboards)
"Exit to be used in the event of a fire" (not 'Fire Exit' - why would you want the fire to exit the building?)
etc., etc.
[ooh, update: "10 items or fewer", of course.]
"Use both exits when leaving"
http://www.improbab...7i6/doubleslit.html
From AIR. [pottedstu, Jan 25 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
A nonstationary stationery box
http://stationary.name/stationary-box.htm
Stationary stationery box in motion. [bonkers777, Jan 07 2009]
Toothpaste for Dinner - Keeping Pedants Busy For Ours
http://www.toothpas...m/archives/2010/Jun
[normzone, Jun 25 2010]
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Annotation:
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So it would burn the grass, and not the building. Duh. ;^) |
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Not to mention terrorist threats, advance earthquake warnings and attacks by giant monsters. |
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Prehaps, in addition to Fire Marshalls, companies should employ Pedant Herders who try to move on people who stop to discuss the merits of the exit signs during a fire - thus blocking the means of escape. |
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Wouldn't the Fire Marshals be too busy marshalling the fire out the Fire Exit? |
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It is forbidden to turn to the right while the red light is active.
I'd say this would only be a good idea at a speedreader's convention or something.
Or perhaps we could add some fine print: "These signs are presented 'as is.' Read them at your own risk. This establishment is not responsible for any psycological damage caused by reading these signs." |
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So the Fire Exit sign should be changed to read "Exit to be used in the event of fire, bomb threats, poisonous gas leak, advance earthquake warning, attack by giant monster (radioactive or mundane), or other unspecified events which require the evacuation of the building. Or if you can't be bothered to wait for the lift." |
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This would have the fringe benefit of giving a much needed boost to the hard hit Sign Manufacturing industry, but the slight drawback that the sign would become so large it would probably block the very exit to which it was referring. But it would keep the pedants happy. |
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mark_t: It could become the door itself instead of the sign. The only thing you would have to worry about would be that if the door becomes too big it could be used by giant monsters (radioactive or mundane) to get into the building while people are trying to flee in abject terror. |
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Actually, it just needs a comma. 'Slow, bump'. |
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thoughts on "stop children" |
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...and "Slow Children Crossing" |
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emergency exit = an exit for emergencies? And isn't a fire exit somewhat analogous to a fire engine, which neither brings fires nor generates them. Most fires seem notably unperturbed by a fire alarm. I suppose you complain because a cork screw isn't made of cork.
And isn't "think different" the same as "think pink" (insert optional semi-colon in middle)? And a "slow bump" isn't going anywhere fast; although all you really need the sign to say is "bump". |
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PS: Please, miss, Aristotle misspelt "perhaps". |
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PPS: Wouldn't it be cruel to put a "Slow Children Crossing" sign outside a school for kids with educational problems? |
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There's a sign on Penzance ring-road saying 'For A30 use both lanes". I always ignore it, preferring to drive in only one lane. |
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- like the sign on London Underground escalators, "Dogs must be carried". I've got away without carrying a dog for years. |
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I thought ice cream vans said 'Beware Children'. This is fitting, because I always knew they were evil little scheming bastards. |
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Having just returned from my first visit to the USA, I observe that all the lifts - sorry, elevators - can not be used because of a sign which reads "In case of fire do not use the elevators."
Most English premises have now adopted the more helpful "In the event of fire do not use the lifts." |
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We simply can't have elevators in enclosed fireboxes now, can we? |
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When the crosswalk sign reads "Don't Walk," it's still permissable to run, stroll, crawl, etc., right? |
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We have a roadside sign "SPEED ENFORCED BY AIRCRAFT" that I've never liked. I think they mean to tell us that aircraft patrol the highway on occasion and can notify the Highway Patrol if anyone seems to be speeding. Perhaps it should read "AIRCRAFT PATROLLING FOR SPEEDERS" |
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If you look at the road near those signs, you'll see two white lines painted on the road a distance apart. What the people in the plane do is time the car as it moves between the two known reference points and figure out the speed from there, then radio cars on the ground to bust speeders. |
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'Aircraft patrolling for speeders' sounds the opposite, like the plane is watching for cop cars. |
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I don't understand, SC --- does "speeders" refer to cop
cars where you are? |
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"Enforced by aircraft" sounds as if the aircraft will come
down, attach a cable, and physically force you to a
particular speed. |
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[StarChaser] meant 'Aircraft patrolling for (the benefit of) speeders' |
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If I am speeding, the planes above will help me? To do what, part with my money? The sign ought to read "Slow down, sometimes there are planes flying overhead to bust you, but usually they aren't there (it's so expensive, you know) however we would like you to drive as if an enforcement mechanism were present." |
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As a writer/editor I found it oddly disturbing to work in a certain building. Between the doors of the elevators was a thick, shiny brass plaque. with a keyhole in the middle. Inscribed deeply into the brass (and filled in with black paint to ensure visibility) were the words "Firefigther's Switch." |
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At my work there is a sign on a door saying: |
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"You are entering a very smelly area, its not us (actually Patch of damp carpet). Apologies for any unpleasantness" |
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Now, I didnt even know we had a damp carpet department in the building and I have no idea who Patch is. |
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how do they get the deer to cross at the deer crossing sign? |
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I saw the road sign that read "BUMP", so I drove into it... |
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"Tattoos done while you wait" |
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All points go to [1Kester]. |
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//Solvent abuse can kill instantly// |
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"Everybody dies instantly: you're alive, you're alive, you're alive ... you're dead. Instantly." ~ Steven Wright [+] |
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I've always been curious about those 'Baby on board' signs in the back of cars. I don't want to crash into your car and if, by accident, I do it will not be because you didn't have a 'Baby on board' sign. |
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I'd rather a more universal sign, something like "intelligent lifeforms on board, they're rare in this galaxy y'know, so please drive carefully" |
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Yeah, that is a problem. What if the sentiment were implied instead? Something like (a G rated version of) the Pioneer spacecrafts' plaques. |
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"97% fat free" - you pay for the other 3%.
"Baby on board" - put them in a child seat. |
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I've actually seen a "Slow children crossing" sign. That was a good day. |
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Keep out of the reach of children. |
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Ironically, perhaps tragically, the "POLICE SLOW" signs in use in the UK are not in need of amendation. |
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//Having just returned from my first visit to the USA, I observe that all the lifts - sorry, elevators - can not be used because of a sign which reads "In case of fire do not use the elevators."// |
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That explains all those men wearing tweeds in the stairwells. |
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