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Paranoid Driver Soother

 Worrying noises analysed on the move
 
(0) 		  [vote for,
against]

Because I don't understand how my car works, I become fairly scared when it makes strange noises as I hurtle down the motorway. With my car, this happens quite a lot.

To stop me having to live on my nerves everytime I travel at anything over 50 MPH, I'd like a noise analyser fitted near my engine, with a simple display on my dashboard.

The device would sample the noises my car was making, and compare them to a pre-set optimum sound that it ought to be making.

If the car started making noises that alarmed me, I would check the Paranoid driver soother which would display short messages like "Sounds normal enough -carry on", "Front tyre vibrating - explosion imminent" or "exhaust dropped off three miles ago - noisy but not life endangering".

—Fishrat, Sep 29 2003

Diagnostic Catwalk http://www.halfbake...iagnostic_20Catwalk
"Where is that blasted noise coming from?" [phoenix, Oct 05 2004]

"What's that noise?" lane. http://www.halfbake...ise_3f_22_20lane_2e
"A lane designed to allow you to figure out what the noise is." [phoenix, Oct 05 2004]

Car Problem Recorder http://www.halfbake...0Problem_20Recorder
"A device that captures those pesky problems you can't seem to satisfactorily recreate or describe to the mechanic." [phoenix, Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       Redundant with at least one of the links. Please search before posting.
—phoenix, Sep 29 2003
   

       Hang on a cotton picking minute you two... [starchaser]'s idea, along with the other links, describes the same problem, but totally different solutions. The "diagnostic catwalk", whilst brilliant, requires some level of technical knowledge from the person walking round it. The "what's that noise lane" has the same limitation, and would be much more expensive to implement. The "car problem recorder" doesn't offer any reassuarance to the driver, until they stop and find a mechanic.   

       Nope, all in all I'm sticking to my guns. My idea is a) different and b) an advancement.   

       Please check your links before posting blissmissive - sorry dismissive - annos.   

       <Fishrat sits back, blissfuly unaware of the mass deluge of disparagement and more suitable links which will inevitably follow>
—Fishrat, Sep 29 2003
   

       Sound monitoring of subsea pumping systems is the latest technique to determine when the buggers are about to fail, but I haven't heard of how well the system works.
—suctionpad, Sep 29 2003
   

       Round and round the Fishrat goes,
Fish or Rodent? No one knows.
Nibbles [blissmiss] on the toes,
Round and round the Fishrat goes.
—Fishrat, Sep 29 2003
   

       I need a paranoid _passenger_ smoother which will automatically resolve the imaginary terrors being experienced by my passengers, perhaps by offering tape recorded assurances: "See? Not dead yet!!"
—Amos, Sep 30 2003
   

       [Amos] I read that as paraniod_passenger_smotherer which, on reflection, might just do the job.
—Fishrat, Oct 01 2003
   

       While this would be tremendously difficult to implement, I like the idea. *Cllrrackk* - car says "Tin can on road. You had the exhaust fixed, remember?" me- "Phew!"
—squeak, Oct 01 2003
   
      
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