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As we start trudging determinedly towards Christmas my mind turns, somewhat inevitably, towards the sparceness of quality entertainment over the upcoming holiday period.
England's record on traditional entertainment isn't great, what with Mummers plays, Morris Dancing, Fox Hunting and WI Meetings
but there is one bright spot. Pantomime!
I feel that it needs a bit of spicing up however. Time to move it forward into our decadent, immoral, worthless present and what could be more appropriate than introducing the 'adult' film industry tradition of making porn versions of well known favourites. It is, if you will excuse the expression, a furrow ripe for the ploughing.
So let's bring on the porn versions of Dick Whittington, Babes in the Wood and Jack and his Giant Beanstalk. I think it's a winner.
Jim Davidson Getting Close
http://images.googl...esnum=1&sa=N&tab=vi
"Sinderella" and "Boobs in the Wood" Indeed! [gnomethang, Nov 14 2009]
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I am not prepared to say how I know this, but this idea is
baked. |
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// this idea is baked. // |
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Omnes: "Oh no it isn't !" |
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// porn versions of Dick Whittington, Babes in the Wood and Jack and his Giant Beanstalk//
Regretably, baked by Jim Davidson. Sorry, boned. |
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// this idea is baked. //
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Alia Omnes: "Oh Yes it is!" (Linky) |
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very baked... or so I hear from [MB]. |
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//Regretably, baked by Jim Davidson.//
Yes, but no AWOL & gnomethang! Somewhat half-baked by Jim Davidson &, probably, numerous other crap comedians in every stand up routine they have ever done, granted, but only as an adolescent fantasy and certainly with no intention of actually baking it. I'm thinking more of a cultural revolution but without the show trials and executions (apart from you two obviously ). See idea category.
// Sorry, boned.//
[insert double entendre here] |
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I bunned. Does that give reference to what I think it
does? In your smutty little world Bobbykins? |
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I did not realise the smutty double-entendre of "buns" and "bone". This place will never be the same again for me. |
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Given the usual form of Ugly Sisters in panto, we're shading ever closer to transvestite navvy clown porn here. |
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// transvestite navvy clown porn // |
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The Horror ..... The Horror .... |
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Either that or he's had some of [bungston]'s funny mushrooms. |
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//your smutty little world //
Blissy, you have wounded me to the very core! I wouldn't dream of introducing mere smut to the 'bakery. I am a purveyor of high class, erotic entertainment. Good, wholesome fun for all the family of a consenting age and their pets. But I forgive you. I am sure you merely confused me with calum and his tawdry, working-class, cross-dressing fantasies. At least, I hope they are just fantasies. |
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Although no great surprise if one considers the female talent for hitting exactly where it hurts, without mercy. |
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and here I thought he'd be offended most by
"Bobbykins". Guess I don't know him as well as I
thought. |
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[Stares moodily into half-empty pint glass]
And that's just the problem. Nobody ever takes the time to know the *real* me. Just because I'm a xenophobic*, pervert, oppressor of the masses, unmerciful critic of the wealthy, powerful and privileged, kicker of puppies and kittens and general nay-sayer they think that I'm not a real person. But even us bad apples have a pulsing, beating...err..core. Inedible and maggoty though it might be.
*Actually, it's not just foreigners I hate. It's everyone really. And everything. Apart from chocolate. |
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"When they said Snow White was feeling Grumpy, it wasn't a metaphor ...." |
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What, and give fairy tales a bad name? Will Gramma no longer be pitied for being eaten by the wolf? |
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Now everyone will know that Goldilocks has been sleeping around and that Dorothy, high on drugs, ran off with three pervs looking for nirvana. |
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Hansel and Gretel will have made a crumby attempt at interrupting a pedofile scourge, successful non-the-least. |
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[outloud], stop thinking. |
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Sounds more like an outbreak of foot fetishists. They hide in shoe shops, masquerading as employees you know. Secretly touching and caressing the feet of unsuspecting shoppers. Always bringing you the wrong shoe size just so that they can prolong their secret abuse for just one more fitting. Eeew!
Sounds ideal for a scene in Cinderella. |
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