h a l f b a k e r yNaturally, seismology provides the answer.
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Paint police crows wings with "POLICE" the same as cops
have on their bullet proof vests.
The great visionary and innovator Adam Carolla had
suggested that
"attack crows" be trained for law enforcement and area
security patrol. Crows
can
recognize human faces as they learned in an experiment
where people with masks would harass the test animals.
Afterwords, the harasser's masks would be recognized by
the crows and the next time they came out, they got
attacked.
Teach them to attack anybody the police are moving in
on
or any a-hole wearing one of those Guy Fawkes masks.
They'd swoop down and give these Jacobin jerk-offs a
taste
of sharp claws and slashing beaks at the same moment
that
the riot squad waded into the mob. Simultaneous attack
from the ground and air is very effective.
Remember, a group of crows is called a "murder". Got to
be a reason for that.
[link]
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I though a 'murder' was a flock of ravens. Isn't a flock of
crows a 'coven' or a 'covey'? |
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I could be wrong. Hang on, I'll check... Yep, you're right.
Sorry, should've looked it up before I posted. Haven't had
breakfast yet, brain slow. |
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Who gets to decide these things, anyway? |
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According to Wiki, crows in some regions of the world
(including England) have long had bad reputations because
they will descend upon a wounded or sick animal or an
exposed newborn animal and begin feeding upon it before
it dies (undoubtedly hastening the process). I would
surmise that the term 'murder of crows' would originate
from people's feelings over that behavior. |
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Police is one word, and crows have two wings. "Police Crow" seems too obvious unless it were not actually a crow and you wanted to fool people. You could put POL on one wing and ICE on the other I suppose but people might not understand POL. No, it is too complicated. Bone. |
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The trouble is, as they folded their wings to dive in
for the attack, they'd just say "PIE". |
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Which, in certain borg-infested regions of the UK, is
undoubtedly what they'd end up in. |
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I was thinking you'd just stencil "POLICE", the
whole
word, on each wing using some kind of feather
bleach. One on the outside, one on the
underside. |
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You could also put a star on or something, but
frankly, any emblem would be intimidating. |
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Little helmets with lasers (just for effect) would
be pretty spooky. Although maybe the lead bird
would learn to laser point the target and the rest
would attack. They're pretty clever birds. Who
knows how much you could train them for this? |
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Well there goes post apocalyptic fortress defence tactic number seventeen.... |
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// Afterwords, the harasser's masks would be recognized
by
the crows and the next time they came out, they got
attacked. // |
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The more interesting thing is that the crows' CHILDREN,
who
had never seen these harassers, were able to recognize
them
too! This implies that crows have language for describing
animals' appearances in sufficient detail to enable
recognition.
If we can learn this language, even if it isn't suitable for
humans to use, we could translate appearances into it so
as to
describe known unwelcome persons to the crows, without
having to show the crows pictures of these people, so
that
updates can be given by radio (in the helmets) to crows in
the
field. |
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I have a somewhat related idea (which is much older) to
what I just described (which
is new after reading this idea), waiting to be posted
someday. |
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A more humane version would be, following in
the Soviet approach, dogs could be trained to
sneak up on the [whichever side of the riot you
think are the most obnoxious] and pee in their
footwear. |
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