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Of all the instruments ever invented, a proper church organ does power and majesty like no other. In olden days, when the noisiest thing in the village was Fat Albert's Insomniac Cow, the organ in the church was like the Voice of God. Cathedrals had organ pipes you could lose children in, which made
your knees vibrate. Nowadays, though, we have lots of noisy things, so it's high time these instruments of majesty and power were upgraded, using the latest technology. Which means military technology. Ladies and gentlepengs, I give you the Wurlitzer Afterburner.
Coupled with a big power level indicator up the outside of the organ (so the congregation can really get the full anticipatory thrill), the afterburner can be activated using a big forehead-shaped button on the organ (all other limbs are pretty much in use when playing the organ). Just imagine the final bars of Widor's Toccata, the congregation spellbound as the power LEDs slowly climb to their peak, and then cutting loose on the final note in a rush of hot air and a noise so loud it enters straight through the skin:
BA-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
That's yer Power and Majesty right there.
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Sounds fine. How does it work?
<trivia>The largest pipe organ in the world is in a department store in Philadelphia. |
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I can just picture the organist using that forehead button. talk about head bangers... |
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We had a great bridge, we did, until that fool played the Ride of the Valkyries |
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