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OnStar Bitch
Complain about your car's design flaws as they happen | |
Computer programs have bug feedback
buttons. Now your car does too.
OnStar: OnStar, how can we help you?
Driver: Yeah, this car can't even drive in
half an inch of snow. Also my seatbelt
keeps tightening up on me randomly to
the point where I can hardly breathe.
OnStar:
Well I see that you don't have
snow tires but the other thing sounds like
a design flaw because there have been
other reports like that for your make. The
design team for (car manufacturer named)
knows about this already and I understand
they will be willing to reimburse you for
this problem, shall I make you an
appointment at the dealership to take care
of both problems.
Driver: Sure thanks.
What is OnStar?
http://www.onstar.c...nt_whatisonstar.jsp
For [simonj] [krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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OnStar · r · r · r · +.
I'd say this belongs in the "what's stopping them?" category |
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You pay for each OnStar call, right? |
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You could make these calls free to the driver and cheaper to On-Star by eliminating the human interaction. Have the in car system record your complaint/suggestion and send it later. Since you do not need real-time voice, the data can be sent in small packets on a cheaper band. |
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OnStar: OnStar, how can we help you? |
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Driver: Yeah, the radio knob just fell off, the power windows are skipping instead of moving smoothly, and the gas gage seems stuck on a quarter tank when I just filled the tank full. |
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OnStar: Well, I see that the car is 14 years old. Are you just too #*!@%# cheap to buy a new car? |
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(In other words, this idea is great (+) but needs to be limited to the life of the warranty or something as reasonable to account for normal wear and tear on the vehicle) |
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Fantastic idea.I could have complained about the new Chevy Cavalump and Pontiac Shitfire I was unfortunate enough to buy in the early 90's.Give this man a cigar !!! |
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If you're well-off enough to afford OnStar, you're not driving an old car. And if you're driving a retrofitted one, you're not going to bitch about it, you're going to fix it yourself or call the mechanic who did the job for you. So, bun. |
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I thought this invention would be more like this: |
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OnStar: OnStar, how can we help you? |
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Driver: Yes, how do I get to Highway 101? |
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OnStar: What is it with you people? Ask for fucking directions. Did this trip come as a surprise to you? No. You knew you'd be going to Highway 101. You were sitting on your ass in front of the computer all morning, reading your fucking e-mail. What would it cost you to go to mapquest or yahoo or whatever and expend that little bit of energy to look up your route in advance?? Yes. Well, that would take *thought*, wouldn't it? Much easier to just sit here like a crybaby and press the big button. "Mohoom! Get me home!" Man, I'm sick of this job. |
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[simonj], OnStar is this big button factory-installed in luxury vehicles and presumably available to the consumer at all participating retail outlets. You press it and you get travel help. They give you directions, they call for emergency assistance, they even make reservations for you at resturaunts and hotels. I haven't heard the downside to the service yet. |
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Wait--the cost. For what's offered, they must take your firstborn child or your left nut or somesuch. |
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I like jutta's version better. |
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Amen, [jutta] I *SO* love you for that anno! Except change that "Onstar" person to "Computer Tech" person. I want to live that dream. <applause> |
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"Your bitch may be recorded for quality
control purposes" |
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I almost worked for OnStar, designing the button ergonomics, positioning, and such, for a Ferrari program of all things. |
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How would that work exactly? Strap yourself into the car and have an earpiece shock you as you drive? |
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On remote command, the SUV's tires esplode and roll the vehicle. If you happen to survive, then the car manufacturer will GIVE you a late model Ford Taurus to keep as a reminder of what a lazy, money-wasting fool you are. Or maybe they mail you a card of dissatisfaction. I dunno. |
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I thought "asplode" was the passive tense and "esplode" was the active tense ... |
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//"Your bitch may be recorded for quality control purposes"// [marked-for-tagline] |
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